Random Acts of Stupidity of Marilyn & Wilma

Sorry for the Lull....

2007-07-06T06:21:00.001-07:00

in posting.... Things have been crazier than usual here..... Putting in more hours of work than we want!

Plus - there have been a couple of vacations in there, too.....

We'll try to get things back to normal......

Marilyn is 50 ... Doesn't Know HOW to Spit

2007-06-13T07:44:00.000-07:00

We were discussing Google's new Street View this morning, and as we all know, Marilyn can take any subject and turn it to herself.

I (Cat) sent Marilyn and Dog - via Messenger - a few links to some funny pictures. One of which was the guy caught mid-spit. (http://www.streetviewfun.com/2007/spitting-image/)

Here's the conversation that followed:

Dog says:
gross

Dog says:
i think that public spitting is gross anyway!!!

Marilyn says:
my dad would not let us girls spit as kids and to this day i still can't spit.

Dog says:
hey, my dad would fart in front of us!!!

Marilyn says:
i got a bug in my mouth once while riding a bike and could not spit for nothing i was so not happy i had to swallow a bug

Dog says:
oh yuk!!! sorry, i would spit!!!!

Cat says:
that's disgusting

Marilyn says:
i tried and it wouldn't work

Dog says:
you know, they say a person eats lots of bugs and spiders in their sleep.... i don't even want to think about it

Marilyn says:
yea i have heard that.. i don't want to think about that either

Cat says:
be careful if they come here.... you'll get caught at whatever you're doing

Dog says:
i bet google could see some weird stuff around here!!!!

Marilyn says:
here {town} or {work}

Marilyn says:
or both

Dog says:
both actually!!!

Dog says:
like today.... there was pee in a cup on the bathroom counter!!!

Marilyn says:
and that is gross

Janitor has Days/Nights Confused

2007-06-05T23:15:00.000-07:00

I, Cat, was still at work at almost 9pm. I was walking up to the front of the office and saw the janitor coming to the door, so I unlocked it to let her in. She came in saying something about being late. I thought she meant meeting someone.

No! She thought it was morning and she was late for work! She had only left about 5 hours before.

She kept saying something about going to bed "last night" with a horrible headache.... I think she meant a couple of hours ago and may have still been confused.

Raining Spiders at Marilyn's

2007-06-05T18:15:00.001-07:00

Marilyn told us that she & JoeJack had a torrentula rain at home a couple of days ago.

New Fashion Trend

2007-05-17T08:30:00.000-07:00

Marilyn is wearing a SHORT denim dress today .... and one of those open-weave-why-bother-wearing-it-because-there's-so-many-holes sweater/jacket .... that's longer than the dress....

Squirrel's New Truck

2007-05-17T08:13:00.000-07:00

Squirrel is telling everyone about the new truck and how he really got a deal on it. He says that the dealer didn't make any money on it - because he sold it to us for the same amount that the bank would loan on it.... and showed him the value in the blue book.

They may have sold it at loan value ... but you can bet your last dollar they made money on the deal.... I worked for a GM/Jeep dealer years ago.... they don't make deals like that!

We Saw JoeJack's Temper Last Week

2007-05-16T08:13:00.000-07:00

Marilyn came in one morning telling us that she had to go get JoeJack a new phone because his was broken. {and why can't he do it himself???}

She called the local business to have them get everything ready for her so she could just pick it up and go. She was told that it would be between $200 & $400 depending on which model she wanted.

"But I have a 2 year contract.", she tells them. They must have told her that having a contract is for service - and they don't provide a free phone/replacement.

She then tells them that they had insurance on the phone. The person looked at the records and told her that when they did the last insurance replacement they did not repurchase the insurance. She was upset because it was something she was supposed to be proactive about and it wasn't automatic - meaning it was her fault. So she kept throwing out the "2 year contract" and "nobody told me I had to repurchase insurance" hoping to change their mind - didn't work.

Just as she hung up the phone..... JoeJack walks in. She tells him it's going to cost $200-$400 and he hits the roof and starts blaming her. She knew what was getting ready to happen because as she was telling him, she started trying to guide him to the door.

They went out to the parking lot - we couldn't hear ... but we could see. He was animated .... moving his arms around and a couple of times pointing at her.

Do we feel sorry for her? NO..... It's her choice - and she does have a choice in the matter. Why does she put up with this? Who knows? Maybe it's because he's so much fun in their new hot tub. {yuk yuk yuk} It's sure not because of money. He lives in HER house (she makes sure never to say "our house".... it's always "my house").... She gets enough alimony from her ex-husband that she doesn't need his financial help. She (jokingly admittedly) uses him for construction jobs around the property - but we'd pay for that before we'd live with him!

We'd just kick his butt to the curb!

The ending of the phone saga .... apparently it had gotten wet .... (hot tub?) .... and the time it spent in Marilyn's vehicle.... dried it out, according to her.

Marilyn's Take on How to Stay Skinny

2007-05-15T11:13:00.000-07:00

Marilyn wants JoeJack to install a door with a full-length mirror on one side... and a drop-down ironing board on the other....

She thinks if you have a full-length mirror and look at yourself naked every day - that will keep your weight down.

Enough About You, Even Though You're Not Talking to Me

2007-05-15T10:35:00.000-07:00

Mrc. C knew I was pulling my first day as Board Member on Duty for the softball league over the weekend, so we were talking about how it went. Of course, one of the coaches decided to dispute a call.... and I know NOTHING excepts the basics.... Luckily - two other board members were there to handle it..... One of the parents just looked at me... I said "I'm a geek, not a sportsperson."

My story was this short .... but before I could finish..... Marilyn rolls out of her cube and says, "I hope all the little girls have their own helmets. When my niece played 20 years ago, my sister didn't want to buy a helmet until she knew my niece wasn't going to quit and my niece got head lice."

We don't care what happened to your niece 2o years ago!!!

Tears Over a Parking Space

2007-05-10T08:13:00.000-07:00

Squirrel bought a new truck for his department this week - and yesterday he parked it in the spot where Marilyn usually parks while she was at lunch (we do NOT have assigned spaces). When she came back, she wanted to know who was here .... just us ....

"No, who's here? Someone is in MY spot."

Squirrel walked in about that time and told her that was his new department truck. She told him to move it over one spot - because she's parked in that spot for 18 years. He told her he was protecting his new truck.

At this point she was almost in tears, telling him that she would protect his truck - she would look at it every day when she backs in.

We're down to a skeleton crew in this building - there are about 40 more places to park ... but she HAS to have that one....

This morning .... she was in tears telling Mrs. C (who wasn't here yesterday afternoon) about it....

A few minutes ago - she told the guy who usually drives the truck to park it over one spot.... We all chimed in that her name's not on it.... The tears started again and she said she would park in our spots.... We told her we'd park in any free space ....

Crying .... over a stupid parking space.... and, no, it's not right in front of the door.....

He Doesn't Call That Often

2007-05-09T07:26:00.001-07:00

Mrs. C was telling Marilyn about someone who isn't allowed to use their cell phone at work - or make/receive personal phone calls during work hours. Mrs. C told Marilyn that we don't realize how lucky we have it.

Marilyn said, "If they tell me I can't use my cell phone at work they will have to give me $40 or $50 a month so I can talk to JoeJack on his cell phone on the office phone during my breaks. He doesn't call that much, just when he takes a break. At 10:00, 2:00, and during lunch. And if he's not working and calls too much, I tell him to quit calling. I told him that once."

So.... if JoeJack only calls 3 times a day.... and we hear her sickly sweet "Hi Honey" 15 times day.... who is she talking to the other 12 times???

Wedgie

2007-05-09T07:26:00.000-07:00

Marilyn (she's our Safety person) ordered a ladder to be destroyed. This is the ladder from which a co-worker fell - see previous post. Then she asked why the person was on a ladder washing windows.... why didn't they use a "wedgie" .... or a "weegie"

I asked her if she meant "squeegee".....

It would be hard to use a wedgie to wash windows..... maybe she meant she wanted to give someone a wedgie.....

Right, but not Right

2007-05-09T07:12:00.001-07:00

As we've mentioned before, we have some people with disabilities who work with us. Yesterday, one person with some minor mental challenges fell off a ladder as he was washing windows. Marilyn, reporting this to our Worker's Comp agent, said "he's right, but he's not right."

Did He Have Sanjaya on His Mind?

2007-05-09T07:12:00.000-07:00

Dog & I decided to go grab a bite to eat yesterday evening. As the host was leading us to the table, he told us that the "san-ja-rias" were each $1 off.

Did She Grab Any?

2007-05-03T13:11:00.000-07:00

Marilyn was on the phone trying to find out the amount of someone's bail. She said she was "grasping" for air when she found out the number was $90,000.

Let Me Tell You About...

2007-05-02T14:07:00.000-07:00

Marilyn was on the phone today with someone from our workers' comp insurance company regarding an employee who was hurt on the job. In the middle of relaying the employee's information, Marilyn begins to tell a story of the time she had leg surgery.

She ended the call with her usual "have a lovely"....

We Hope Buell's Rabies Shot Is Up-to-Date!

2007-05-01T08:31:00.000-07:00

Marilyn called in sick yesterday. She told us that she was lying down and Buell (her dog) was on top of her. She wanted him to get up, but he wouldn't.... so she bit him..... THREE times.....

Dare we open the forum for comments????? Keep them to a PG-13 level.... please.....

Don't Always Believe the TV Reporters!

2007-04-26T08:22:00.001-07:00

There was a fire north of us this week that brought the big-city TV crews and choppers to town. One station doing a live update with a reporter in the news van via mobile phone on his way to the site while showing footage from the chopper.

We were watching and heard the reporter say he was coming from the south (he gave the incorrect Interstate he had taken, too!) and that he could see the smoke (lie, lie, lie). Then he said he was at a certain intersection and that an ambulance just passed him. That intersection was one block south of us and we could not see the smoke, so we knew he was not telling the truth! We watched him drive by telling his lies!

As a sidenote.... why, oh why, do the reporters interview the most stupid redneck people they can find when there's a big story???? I think that even in the middle of Beverly Hills.... they would find someone to fit that description to interview.....

Defiant and Rebellious Marilyn

2007-04-26T08:22:00.000-07:00

Last week Jessica told Marilyn that she had to have her cubicle cleaned up by Friday. She didn't make that deadline... and still hasn't made it. It's going to be a showdown when Jessica puts a write-up in Marilyn's personnel file. Dodo the CEO never held Marilyn accountable for anything - so she did as she pleased.

She is responsible for Accounts Payable and Safety. Less than 5% of the A/P checks have been filed since our fiscal year began on July 1. If you need to look something up - you have to go to her. There are stacks and stacks of paper on and under her desk.

Jessica thought the threat of being written up would be enough to get her to do it - but she's going to have to follow-up .... or things will continue as they are.

We'll let you know what happens.

Ebenezer Scrooge, CEO

2007-04-17T06:16:00.000-07:00

Jessica and a co-worker are sharing the duties of interim CEO. Because of the unsafe condition of our building, Jessica is working in CEO's former office. The other co-worker works at another building, where all staff except our department has been moved.

While going through CEO's desk she came across a letter addressed to him from one of our state senators. In that letter he was thanking CEO for sharing his viewpoint of his OPPOSITION to increasing the federal minimun wage. It was addressed to him in his position here, so we're sure he wrote it as though he was doing it in an official capacity.

We wonder what the few who support him and are very unhappy now would think if they knew he had written that letter. Some of them will get a raise when the minimum wage is increased. Too bad we can't share that with them.

Why is This in Our Newspaper?

2007-04-16T11:56:00.000-07:00

Johnny Hart's obit was in the local newspaper last week. Monica saw it and wondered aloud, "Why is his obituary in our newspaper? He didn't live here."

We explained to her that he was a well-known person - which is enough reason for them to carry it - but that he was also the creator of the B.C. comic strip, which the paper carried.

Hair Crunchie???

2007-04-16T11:19:00.000-07:00

I (Cat) am on the board of a girls softball league. At last night's meeting we were discussing shed keys and that they are supposed to be in one of the concession stands on a key ring with an orange hair scrunchie.

One of the guys spoke up and said that the keys are missing because that orange crunchie thing is gone.

Since this is all about stupidity.... should I tell one on myself????? My brother roped me into the softball board thing ... I don't like sports.... but love my nieces.....

He told me that they needed someone to do the website. Thinking it was just a website, I said yes. Couple of days later I hear, "if you're going to do the website, they want you to be on the board." Thinking it's still only a website... I still agreed....

First board meeting... I find out my duties also include getting the book ready for print that lists all the board members, teams, rules, etc. OK, I guess I can handle that.... Then I read further, and I'm also responsible for ordering trophies. This is getting to be a bit more than I bargained for - so I told my brother that he has to help.....

At last month's meeting.... I find out that board members rotate through a schedule with two board members on duty every game day. You show up early to open everything, drag out equipment, and help get the fields ready. If there is or has been inclement weather, you decide whether to play. You make sure the concession stand is cleaned up, lock all the buildings and padlocks, count the money, drop it off at the bank. And... you clean the restrooms.

So... how stupid am I???? I don't even live in the league's township..... or have kids.... or like sports.... now I get to spend the next two summers at the ballpark..... instead of just showing up for the occasional game and taking pictures.....

What??? There's Voicemail on my Cell Phone???

2007-04-13T10:30:00.000-07:00

Our director of marketing discovered this morning that he has voicemail on his cell phone.

He said that people kept telling his that his mailbox was full, but he thought they were talking about his office voicemail. He was inquiring about his office voicemail and was told that it's his cell phone voicemail box that's full.

He checked his messages.... said that they went all the way back to March of last year.... but that there was nothing important! Of course it's not important now, a year after the messages were left!

Cat Has Smart Brothers...

2007-04-09T13:02:00.000-07:00

My brothers have heard me talk about Marilyn and how she forgets to brush her hair when she comes back from "lunch".

They came over from the big city where we live to change the locks on the commercial doors here (family discount!).... As they were getting ready to leave this building and follow Marilyn to our other building in town, one of them came to me asking if she is the one who comes back from "lunch" with messed up hair. I said, "yes."

He said, "I knew it" then turned to the other brother and said, "I was right. It's her."

Elvis Has Left the Building....

2007-04-09T12:23:00.000-07:00

Well, not Elvis.... but CEO has!

No more of his stupid remarks and comments.....

Most people are happy. Monica and Squirrel - not so much.... Monica is no longer in HR - and has been moved from her office. Squirrel is afraid he might be next - with good reason.

So, we've been busy changing passwords, securing networks, rekeying locks and all that fun stuff. Most of that work is over, so we should be resuming our posts.

Dodo Leads the Board on a Tour

2007-03-28T07:51:00.000-07:00

CEO (the dodo bird) led our board of directors on a tour of this building yesterday. He doesn't realize that it was just another nail in the coffin, so to speak. They took pictures of our outside wall that's starting to cave in (but according to CEO, that wall is fine), a support in one room is moving and has cracked the drywall (again, CEO says it's fine), and many other things that are wrong in everyone's eyes but his.

Some tidbits from the tour:

The president of the board arrived. Marilyn asked her to sign in and started telling her it was for safety in case there was an emergency. Before she could say it, CEO pipes in... "it's so we can identify the charred bodies if the building burns."

Another board member comes in carrying a camera. CEO looks at him and says without cracking a smile, "no cameras allowed." The board member had a confused look on his face. CEO told him he could take any pictures he wanted. Board member said it was so the board could have a record.

Same board member mentioned that he had just bought 8 gb of memory cards for his trip to China. CEO asks, "are you picking up a baby?"

After the board members left Monica asked how he thought it went. He replied, "do you have any marijuana?"

Remarks like this.... to the Board of Directors.... His friend on the board - who is a prior CEO here - didn't come for the tour... not sure how CEO functioned.... with the 2 of them sharing a brain....

The board president covered their ulterior motives pretty well. She walked into CEO's office (he had been cleaning it prior to their arrival) and asked if it was always that neat. Then she said she was going to come back unexpectedly in a few weeks and see if it was always like that. When the next board member walked into his office she recounted her comments to that person. If he thinks they're coming back in a few weeks to see if his office is neat.... he has no idea he's about to get the axe before that can ever happen.....

The person who will most likely be taking over .... is the person he's been trying to decide the best way to fire.... things have a way of working out.....

We get so excited about his impending removal from office that we sometimes break into the happy dance when no one is around! It's just not happening quick enough for us.....

Why Are You Dressed Up?

2007-03-22T12:11:00.000-07:00

That was Squirrel's question to Dog today. He followed it up with "Wedding? Funeral?"

He's been "carrying the torch" for Dog for quite a few years, so his next response was whether she would be dressing up for a divorce and tried to say "divorce decree" but stumbled over it.... Marilyn "corrected" him (so she thinks) and told him it's "divorce degree".....

By the way.... she's dressed business casual.... nothing out of the ordinary......

Sorry. You Will Have to Cross Your Legs and Hold It.

2007-03-22T07:31:00.000-07:00

....or make a trip to a neighboring business or home.

CEO decided that our floors in the breakroom/restrooms/halls needed to be stripped and waxed. Squirrel is over the maintenance/janitorial department, he and MG2 were the ones doing the work.

Squirrel, not wanting to inconvenience himself, decided that this would be done during the day instead of the usual overnight job.

So, instead of inconviencing himself, he caused a MAJOR inconvenience for the 60+ people in this building, leaving only 2 restrooms (single toilets in each) open. We have many people with disabilities who work here and that was even more of an inconvenience to them than us because of the location. It also took us below building code standards for the ratio of people to toilets.

This department opted to go on field trips during those two days.

Cat Coins a New Phrase....

2007-03-19T16:39:00.000-07:00

To apply to our CEO....

It's hard to soar with eagles..... when your leader is a dodo bird.....

We hope we have news to report soon - that he is no longer our CEO.... We can dream, can't we???? Then we no longer have to hear sexist remarks.... or hear questions in management meetings such as, "did you get any nookie last weekend?" .... or, when hearing an accounting explanation that is factual and true, but he doesn't like, says, "you're high" or "you're full of it".

Crossing our fingers...... (yes - there are things blowing in the wind causing us to be hopeful)

Monica's Mad at Dad

2007-03-15T13:00:00.000-07:00

Monica's mother died last year in another state. Soon after, her father starting dating someone and has now decided to get married. Monica has refused, to this day, to meet the woman. He had promised that he would wait one year before making any major decisions, that year is up in July. He's getting married in June.

He has wanted to sell the house for a few months, but needs Monica's and her brother's signatures. Brother is willing, Monica has been stalling to try to hold him to that one year promise. She realized that if he marries in June with the house not sold, it could affect how much she gets, not that the money matters (of course).

She says her big pet peeve is Person A (Dad) having Person B (brother) call to ask her to do something (this case), invite her somewhere, etc. Brother called to ask her to sign the papers. She was furious and told him that if Dad calls and asks her, she will sign.

Dad called while she was out (probably counted on that) and told her he would be at the house for one more hour and to call him. She doesn't have his girlfriend's phone number where he's staying most of the time, and was out longer than an hour. This was on Saturday.

On Monday, she gets a phone call from an attorney he's hired to force the sale who would rather talk to her counsel than to her, but is willing to talk to her. She calls and tells him to tell her dad to call her and she will sign.

On Friday, she gets a letter from the attorney and brings it in for us to read. Basically repeated the phone call .... but was FULL of typos. An attorney's letter. Grammatical errors. Spelling errors. Possessive errors. That's one attorney I would not hire for anything. I (Cat) wanted to get a copy of the letter, mark it up, and send it back to him when the whole ordeal is over. I've worked in a lawfirm. You do not allow such things to happen in that profession!

We hope this thing is over with soon.... We get tired of hearing about her dad and how she doesn't want to meet his girlfriend. And how he broke his promise of waiting a year for major decisions. Her mother had been sick and bedridden for years. At the end, I don't think she was even lucid. He was with her day in and day out. Let him enjoy life now....

Doc Marilyn's Snake Oil

2007-03-13T10:56:00.000-07:00

Marilyn has lately taken to drinking cranberry juice. Lots of cranberry juice.

Dog and I each had colds - she somehow escaped catching one. Probably because she will spray anyone and everyone who sneezes or coughs.

JoeJack has one currently. She says if she doesn't catch his cold, she's going to drink cranberry juice for the rest of her life.

However .... she was out sick yesterday .... too much cranberry juice????

Squirrel's "Little Girl"

2007-03-13T08:24:00.000-07:00

Marilyn and Squirrel were talking about a supply order. He said, "my little girl called to let me know she's going on vacation. She didn't want me to think she forgot about me." He was talking about a salesperson.

The supply houses have discovered.... if you send a woman.... he's 10 times more likely to buy from you.... especially if she's pretty and flirts.

The Wilma Update

2007-03-08T10:15:00.000-08:00

The reason Wilma left was because she wanted to set her own work hours and her boss required her to work her regularly scheduled shift. Marilyn thinks that Wilma didn't trust Fred and wanted to be at home to watch him.

Wilma told several people that she didn't want to work. She wanted to stay at home and draw unemployment. If she got fired she could get welfare, too. {Too bad, she lost the unemployment hearing and wasn't fired so she can't get welfare!}

In the meantime, she and Fred have split up (again). Fred left her and took Bam-Bam's jar of coins (around $1,000). Fred is back on drugs and is working for JoeJack!!! {We made sure it was mentioned in front of Marilyn that drugs are involved. JoeJack has a history with drugs... we wonder if it's turning into a "present" with drugs.}

Wilma has met a guy online from Greece who is working in Africa. He calls her, but she won't call him because it costs $6/minute. {This screams con man to us!}

Monica found all of this out at the unemployment hearing.

Something we forgot to include in our Ode to Wilma poem..... Not too many days before she stormed out of here she told Dog that she had quit wearing make-up about a month prior. She wanted everyone to be embarrassed by her. We hadn't even noticed the change.

Run-Away Bride ... Ran Back AGAIN!

2007-03-07T10:05:00.001-08:00

Run-Away Bride has returned to her groom once more.... Now she's pregnant. She says it's her husband's baby.

Poor kids.... both the one they have and the one to come.....

Update: Bride has been telling some people that it's her husband's baby.... and other people that she doesn't know who the father is.... we tend to believe she doesn't know....

She doesn't work here any longer - but she's here several times a week visiting her mother or just dropping by.

Wilma Lost Her Appeal!

2007-03-07T10:05:00.000-08:00

We won the first round of Wilma's unemployment application. She appealed. We received the judgment in the mail 3 days after the hearing. This is the fastest we've ever received an unemployement ruling! Judge saw right through her!

We will post some updates in the next couple of days - just wanted to share that info!

Zip Your Pants, Pizza Guy!

2007-02-28T07:47:00.000-08:00

My brothers came here (to this town) yesterday to work on a restaurant drive-thru window. We live in the same city, but since they were over here, we decided to meet at a local pizza place. Free lunch for me!

We went to the register to pay before we left.... and I hope the guy working the register wasn't involved in the food prep.... His shirt was sticking out through his fly.....

Wedding Bells are Ringing

2007-02-27T07:53:00.000-08:00

Squirrel came in yesterday carrying a JC Penney bag. He stopped by Marilyn's desk to show her the engagement ring he bought for his girlfriend.

They must have gotten everything worked out.... there was a lot of tension when he had to take full custody of his children. They broke up, she moved out, then they got back together, but she didn't move back in.....

We hope whatever happens is best for the children.....

Cause of a Headache

2007-02-22T09:49:00.000-08:00

Roseanne was in the office saying she could tell a co-worker had a bad headache yesterday from the look on his face. She went on to say it was probably caused by the change in "baromic" pressure.

....and we thought it was called barometric pressure.... you learn something new everyday.... :)

You Will Be Thinking About Me In Your Sleep

2007-02-19T11:19:00.000-08:00

We have a new maintenance guy, we will name him MG2 until we get to know him better to see if there's a better name.

He has been calling Marilyn "Maryanne". She told him today that her name is Marilyn and to try to remember that. He replied that he's only been here 3 days so he is still learning but he would try hard to remember.

Then she said something to him about he'll be thinking about it so much that he will wake up in the middle of the night saying her name and his wife would nail him.

He laughed it off saying he wife wouldn't be happy if he did that.

A Stupid Question....

2007-02-19T08:18:00.000-08:00

Someone came in today asking about services .... Marilyn asked him, "Are you living somewhere?"

He replied, "everyone lives somewhere unless they're dead."

We think she was trying to find out if he was homeless or not without asking outright.

Flavored Office Supplies

2007-02-16T11:31:00.000-08:00

Someone just came in from another department asking if we had any "vanilla" folders. She said it not once, but twice.....

Marilyn SAYS She Doesn't Think

2007-02-15T13:47:00.000-08:00

that she's sexy .... nor can she think of anyone she thinks is...

Yeah, right.... and sky's not blue.....

Marilyn's Own Language

2007-02-09T06:02:00.000-08:00

Some items were purchased to keep in the company vehicles last week. Marilyn took it upon herself to write the company name with a Sharpie on each one. She did this to .... "deteriorate the thievery of it."

But I Wanted Those Donuts

2007-02-09T06:00:00.000-08:00

Jessica brought in donuts this morning to share with staff. The janitor saw them and hid them - she decided she wanted to keep them for herself.

Jessica found them and gave them away.

Pee-Wee's Big Adventure

2007-02-05T12:11:00.000-08:00

...or we should say Limburger's....

Marilyn walked over to Limburger's office on Friday to tell him that she & Dog were leaving, which would leave him or CEO to set the alarm system.

She had just transferred a call to him from one of his employees in another city. When she got to his office, the door was locked. He has a piece of paper in the small window in his door so people can't look in as they walk through the hallway. Marilyn is tall enough to raise up just a bit to see in, which she did and motioned for him to open the door.

She said that he scooted his chair up under the desk and "adjusted himself" before coming to unlock the door. While in his office she could easily see the signs of what she had interrupted... He was still standing at attention.....

We're trying to relay the story.... without expicit details... so please read between the lines....

Marilyn Faints at the Sight of ....

2007-02-05T11:52:00.000-08:00

... stretchmarks....

She told us about an instance where she was visiting a friend in the hospital (just had a baby?) and the friend pulled up her gown and showed Marilyn her stretchmarks... Marilyn started feeling woozy and had to leave.... She said she bent over in the elevator and thought she was going to pass out.

There was a second incident at the office with someone pulling up their shirt to show her something....

The Stork is Coming!

2007-01-31T15:15:00.000-08:00

News started spreading today that Runaway Bride.... is back with her groom.... and expecting a baby!

She no longer works here, but her parents do. (Stormy is her mother.)

Last we had heard.... she had left her groom.... and left their 6 year old son with him....

A Memory from Marilyn's Childhood

2007-01-30T10:06:00.000-08:00

Marilyn recently shared with us a story from when she was about 3 or 4 years old... Why she shared it??? She doesn't need a reason to talk about herself!

She was at her GRANDMOTHER'S house.... needing to use the restroom.... and wouldn't.... her mother told her "potty on yourself".... she wouldn't.... she kept crying and refusing until her mother took her home so she could use her own.....

She has told us on many occasions how - when she was a teenager - "us girls would stop by my house to use the bathroom on our way to someplace else." Yes.... she says "us girls" quite frequently....

A Link to "Wilma's" Idol Appearance

2007-01-22T06:25:00.001-08:00

A loyal reader sent us the link to the "blonde bombshell" video.... Thanks!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hNgBjxhQM9Q

Was Wilma on Idol Last Night?

2007-01-18T07:02:00.000-08:00

While watching last night, we noticed a resemblance between Wilma and the contestant pictured below... Change the blonde hair to red.... and add a bra - which, thankfully, Wilma did wear.....

They sing the same song (Don't ya wish your girlfriend was hot like me) ... with the same dance.... and sound similar......

We'll search popular video sites - and if we ever find a video of this person's audition - we'll post a link, just in case you missed it..... (If you know of an existing video - please leave the link in the comments....)

Ode to Wilma

2007-01-11T10:56:00.000-08:00

We've been really busy this week writing this to say goodbye.... We don't claim to be professionals at poetry, so forgive us the flaws.... we did our best....

Ode to Wilma

Wilma decided to leave in a huff
We suppose this will give her more time to puff
Here, she would spend one hour per day
Filling her lungs, smoking her life away

In one program she changed all the passwords
Thinking it would bring payroll to a halt
She forgot that Dog & Cat can be nerds
And can sign in with the master default

We’re glad we’ve heard the last rooster crow
That was her special ringtone for Fred, you know
She said that she would have to be dead
Before she would ever re-marry Fred
But true love has prevailed
Soon she will be wearing a veil
We hope that “third times a charm”
And that they do each other no harm

Things are much quieter without all that serenading
No longer do we have to watch the dancing and parading
Songs asking “don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?”
Acting like an exotic dancer - something she will never be
And no more tone deaf karaoke at the office party
Singing and vamping to gay guy who himself’s not a smarty
Telling him that you “love his pants around his feet”
Words from Nickelback’s “Figured You Out” – what a treat!

Nor any longer does the phone ring off the hook
Calls from her family asking what to cook
Absolutely no one at the office is missing her
Even Marilyn has tons of fun dissing her

She’s now filed for unemployment
Monica will fight it, much to our enjoyment
“Poor working conditions” is what she says in her claim
Do we all know how to say “Wilma’s con game”?
At home with Mom, Sis, Niece, Fred & Bam-Bam
Is where she wants to sit while she pulls off this scam
She wasn’t fired, her claim should be denied
Because we all know that Wilma has lied

Goodbye Wilma
Only our readers will miss you
Have a lovely

No More Wilma Posts???

2007-01-05T17:02:00.000-08:00

When Wilma left this evening she said she wasn't coming back. Dog told her to think about it over the weekend and make sure that's what she wants. Although it would mean a lack of some material here... the department overall would benefit.

So after everyone left, Monica and I (Cat) figured out how to delete Wilma's security code from the alarm system. If she tries to come in over the weekend to collect her belongings, she will set off the alarm.....

We will update Monday with the current status - and if she tried to come in.....

Update.... Wilma did not call or return.... she did not try to come into the office over the weekend.... although secretly we were wishing she would try!

Another Management Meeting Worthy of a Lawsuit

2007-01-03T13:33:00.000-08:00

In today's management meeting CEO asked about New Year's Eve... General consensus - it was quiet for most - very few even had anything to drink.

Monica spoke up that she had a little bit of champagne.

CEO asked her if she got any "nookie" with that.... To which she replied, "only if it was immaculate nookie."

Happy 50th Marilyn!

2006-12-28T13:16:00.000-08:00

Today is Marilyn's 50th birthday.... MG and I (Cat) decorated her cube while she was at lunch.....

MG replaced her chair with a wheelchair....

MG drew a picture of a hill..... and at a point over the hill .... put an "x" with "you are here".....

I made a few copies of "Caution: Over the Hill" (black on yellow), taped them together to make a banner, and put it across her opening.....

Then MG & I put stretch wrap back and forth across the opening..... We wanted to fill it with styrofoam peanuts..... but decided not to because of the mess....

JoeJack called - she told him about it.... and how we used "Saran wrap" over her doorway.... she was a little giddy about it.... which tells us that she liked it..... but would never admit to us....

I read about a good prank to pull with her computer - but didn't have time to do it.... Do a print screen and paste it into "paint" (or other bmp program).... save the file then set it as the desktop.... then put all of the desktop icons into a folder..... when the person starts clicking.... nothing happens! Will let you know when I have time to pull it off.....

But What About Me????

2006-12-20T09:09:00.000-08:00

A publicity photo I (Cat) took of a band a few months ago is on the back cover of their latest CD and used in ads in 3 national music magazines to promote the CD.

Squirrel was hanging around in our department waiting on someone - while we chatted I showed him the CD and my name in the liner notes. He says, "You're famous. You're the only famous person I know." I'm far from famous but this is a long-time dream come true.

Marilyn starts whining, "But I've been published."

Marilyn has had some pictures she pictures she's taken posted on the local fire department website and a couple in the weekly newspaper of a nearby town.... with a population of just over 2,000.

Shhh! Don't Tell JoeJack!

2006-12-20T08:37:00.000-08:00

I (Cat) was walking through the breakroom when I overheard Squirrel saying something to Marilyn about her panties.

It's probably best that JoeJack doesn't hear about this..... he's about 4 times the size of Squirrel!

Speaking Iddish

2006-12-19T13:32:00.000-08:00

Mrs. C was talking about her aunt this morning and the inflections she uses when she says, "I don't know." She's had stroke and can't speak well or remember things, but still says this the same way.

Marilyn, of course, started talking about her dad. After his stroke he spoke "Iddish" and the only name he could still say was "Marilyn"..... because she was Daddy's Little Girl. Oh, and the rest of the family was mad because he only said her name.

Marilyn a TV Star?

2006-12-18T08:37:00.000-08:00

If she goes through with what I'm overhearing, she will say she is!

A few minutes ago Wilma told Marilyn about a TV commercial for garage doors that she saw this weekend - showing on Lifetime, CNN, and other cable channels. The commercials were the local inserts by the cable company. Wilma told her that if this company is doing it then it must not be too expensive.

Marilyn remarks back, "Me and JoeJack will have to be in ours."

I don't know what they're doing a commercial for - JoeJack's handyman business or if they've started another venture.... but whatever it is, they will be the Chuck Norris & Christy Brinkley of it, at least in their own minds. :)

~Cat

Fear or Fear Not?

2006-12-14T08:47:00.000-08:00

Marilyn told Jessica yesterday that Squirrel is "ascared" to talk to her. Jessica was laughing at Marilyn for thinking that.

Maybe the proper spelling for how she pronounced it would be a-skeer-ed.

Not Quite Sure Where to Begin

2006-12-14T08:13:00.000-08:00

I will recount what I can recall.....

This morning Wilma, Marilyn, and Mrs. C put up the Christmas tree in the department. While that was happening, Wilma took a red pipe cleaner and taped it under her nose like a moustache. A few minutes later she was walking around with the red pipe cleaner on top of her head like antlers (but looked more like devil horns!) and green garland draped around her neck. She may still be like that - thankfully neither of us can see her from where we are!

Squirrel comes in, sees Wilma all decked out in that glory, and remarks that she brought Christmas spirit to the office. Marilyn rolls around the corner and pipes up that "all of us helped. Well, me and Wilma and Mrs. C."

Squirrel must have made a remark about Wilma's antlers/horns and maybe they should be bigger because Wilma said, "I don't know about that. I get those penis enlargement emails all the time."

Squirrel: "I don't get any of those. I'd like to see that when you get it."

Then the conversation took some kind of a turn to sex change operations. Marilyn said to Squirrel, "I don't know why you would want girl's things because I know I wouldn't want boy's things. I don't understand that."

We're sure she was saying "you" to Squirrel in general terms of men. Squirrel thinks he's too macho to be a woman.....

Wilma & the Magic Show

2006-12-12T11:04:00.000-08:00

Wilma took Bam-Bam to a magic show. She told us that there was one little girl there was was like the magician's "shadow jokester" because she kept smart-cracking him.

Then she told us about someone she saw once and bought their CD. The CD had a song on it called "Aunt Sara Had a Burger in Her Nose" .... or something like that....

We think she was still on the magician topic, but didn't know a magician could produce a CD .... slight of words instead of sleight of hand???

So... the whole Kramer (from Seinfeld) incident ... that was his shadow jokester instead of a heckler....

Wilma's Tooth Problems

2006-12-12T10:33:00.000-08:00

Just going to put it in quotes.....

"My one tooth that I had fixed came unfixed."

"The tooth behind that one has gone dead."

Came unfixed???? Has gone dead????? We're beyond comments here!

What Did You Say?

2006-12-06T11:43:00.000-08:00

Wilma is trying to be Webster again....

coller - "I need to use a different coller of highlighter."

oinges - "I'm used to seeing Christmas baskets with apples and oinges."

condemption - "My sister had a condemption fit when I told her to tell her visiting nurses to use the hamburger to make meatloaf."

We're guessing at spelling. We don't want her to think we're stupid because we don't know how to spell the new words she's adding to the dictionary.

Score One for Mrs. C

2006-12-05T09:32:00.000-08:00

Marilyn left early for lunch today. She said she had to go home to pee.

Mrs. C came back to the office and asked where Marilyn was. We told her she left early for lunch because she had to pee. Mrs. C says, "Oh, Is JoeJack home?"

Does Marilyn really think we believe that nonsense?

I Think These Cookies All Taste Alike

2006-12-05T07:06:00.000-08:00

We received a free tin of Danish Butter Cookies with an office supply order last week. The cookies come in various shapes sizes as depicted on this tin.

Mrs. C ate 3 or 4 of the cookies in different shapes and remarked, "I think these cookies all taste alike."

Of course they do. They are the same cookies - just cut with a different cutter.

See ya!

2006-11-29T12:43:00.000-08:00

Dog and Wilma were discussing paperwork and paper trails. As Wilma was walking away, Dog told her "CYA" (which, as most people know, is short for cover your a$$)....

Wilma says "see ya!"

Update to Yesterday's Attack

2006-11-29T12:40:00.000-08:00

Dog & I went outside to look around after the "paint soldiers" across the street went home. Not only did they use our dumpster as a target.... They also hit our new van and the windshield of a co-worker's car.

We washed the paint splatter off those 2 vehicles - but they should have done that before they left!

The stupidity just radiates from this building....

We're Under Attack!

2006-11-28T13:41:00.000-08:00

Dog and I kept hearing these noises like something hitting metal. She thought it was me, I thought it was someone hitting something outside the building. I finally wondered aloud, "what is going on?"

She looked out the window from her office, I got up and looked out the back door window. The guys that work across the street were target shooting a paintgun with yellow paintballs.... using our dumpster as a target.

I walked outside, held up my arms, and said, "We surrender."

They laughed and said it will wash off with water.... question is.... who's doing the washing? Shouldn't be us...

Soft Like a Baby's Bottom

2006-11-28T12:57:00.000-08:00

Wilma came back from the restroom and started putting lotion on her hands. Nothing stupid about that. Her reasoning, though, is another story.... "the soap in the restroom makes my hands too soft."

And how is hand lotion going to help that??? We thought its purpose is to soften hands....

Marilyn Loves JoeJack

2006-11-28T09:26:00.000-08:00

Instead of taking notes during a staff meeting yesterday Marilyn doodled and wrote "JoeJack" all over her paper.

Obscene Page

2006-11-27T07:13:00.000-08:00

A few minutes ago Stormy picked up the phone in her department to do a company-wide page. We weren't sure for a few minutes what was happening because all we could hear was heavy breathing!

The Stupidity has Spread to a Neighboring Business

2006-11-27T06:52:00.000-08:00

Cat has the worst "battery acid caffiene sugar water" addiction so she makes the morning walk to the convenient store two stores down for the soda run. Occasionally Dog will add french toast sticks to her order leaving Cat unable to resist that temptation. :)

One morning last week was such a morning - and the morning we discovered the employees there sometimes battle stupidity. Instead of maple syrup to go with the french toast sticks..... they gave us butter and marinara sauce! Luckily we have an over-abundance of maple syrup since they always give you an extra.

This turned even funnier later in the day when Marilyn was talking about the "mariana" sauce that came with breakfast.

Bam-Bam's Bad Report

2006-11-15T14:40:00.000-08:00

Wilma came in this morning with a paper from Bam-Bam's teacher that she wanted to read to us. She read various things about Bam-Bam screaming when he doesn't get his way, not paying attention in class, tattling on his classmates, and many more. After each one she would state, "that's not my child."

We don't have any problem at all believing these things because that's the kind of behavior that is modeled for him from his parents.

More Than We Really Want to Know

2006-11-09T12:56:00.000-08:00

Wilma has had a travel mug from a drug company on her desk for a few days - the front desk coming in to the department.

The drug advertised on this mug..... Testim 1% .... Testosterone gel

We don't want to know which of them is using it! We just noticed a headline on MSN about testosterone gel and women. http://health.msn.com/centers/menopause/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100141547.

Why couldn't she have just left that at home?!?!?!!

Monica's Unusual Art Collection

2006-11-09T07:38:00.000-08:00

It must be her idea of an art collection because we can think of no other reason to save them and have them displayed on the filing cabinet in her office. We're prepared for the "yuks" "ewwws" and other comments!

As you probably know, Monica is our Human Resources person. That means she does the drug testing for new hires - and current employees if it is necessary. When you walk into her office it isn't unusual to see 2-10 little plastic collection cups of urine. She doesn't throw them out until she copies the test results for the files - sometimes this will take 2 or 3 months. The test results are on the side of the collection cups.

After she finally copies the results, she will go to the restroom to empty the cups. After it's been fermenting for months we can just imagine the smell! She then throw the cups away and starts all over again....

Apple Doesn't Fall Far From the Tree

2006-11-07T14:14:00.000-08:00

According to Marilyn, her mother can be a "pisser" on the phone. She told Marilyn about the following phone. For these purposes, Mom's name will be Susan Boozman, pronounced BOZE-man. There is no relation to the Representative from Arkansas.

Susan answered the phone and the other party asked for Susan BOOZE-men, instead of BOZE-man.

Susan: "I don't know if she is here. I just broke in to see if there was any money laying around. Do you want me to leave her a note?"

The lady hung up on her.

After hearing the story, Marilyn said, "Mom, what if she was calling the cops?"

Mom: "I'd just let the state boy in."

When she related the story to Dog, Marilyn said that a state boy patrols that area.

We're sure the state police would be thrilled to know there are people that call them "state boys."

No! You Are Wrong!

2006-11-03T08:57:00.000-08:00

Last week a pack of cigarettes was slipping out of Marilyn's front jeans pocket. They were spotted by someone who called her on it.... and she denied it!

Then a couple of days ago, a cigarette lighter was slipping out of her pocket. We didn't say anything, but have decided next time we're calling her on it.

She's constantly complaining about not being able to breathe and about her allergies. If we could, we would bet money in Vegas that it's all about being a closet smoker and nothing to do with allergies.

Will You Marry Me?

2006-11-03T08:39:00.000-08:00

Monica got another marriage proposal from the guy in Canada. This time it was a direct "will you marry me?" not an indirect like he did last time. Unfortunately for us, she turned him down.

They've seen each other twice with the last time being almost 2 years ago. They talk on the phone and write maybe once a month. I jokingly (but wishing she would) told her she should be adventurous and jump right in and marry the guy.

She said her reply was, "but you don't know me. You don't that when I get mad I cry and then I start cussing." {She throws f-bombs in the office}

He said, "I'd go fishing."

The proposal came at a bad time, too. Her father, who lives a few hours away, is bringing his new girlfriend for Thanksgiving. This is the first holiday since her mother passed away after a long illness and Monica's refusing to go to Thanksgiving dinner. She's also letting her dad know in no uncertain terms that she is very unhappy that he's living his life. He stayed at home for a few years unable to do anything for himself because he was caring for her mother.

When her mother was living, every few months Monica would drive almost 6 hours to visit, stay a few hours, and drive back. Her mom couldn't communicate well, if at all, so she didn't want to stay overnight or for a weekend. She sure wasn't helping give her dad any relief then and now she's blasting him for not staying home alone.

And in this Corner....

2006-11-03T08:22:00.000-08:00

A few minutes ago Marilyn was on the phone with Jimmy, her ex-husband, fighting (still - after 3 years) about money and the percentage of his pension she gets - or something like that. She suddenly tells him she will call him back - then she says hello again.... this time to JoeJack.... and not the usual sickly sweet "hi, honey"... trouble in paradise again? She tells him that she's fighting with Jimmy about money.

Apparently JoeJack is on one of his "contractor" (handyman) jobs, because she says, "but I didn't know she was going to stay and help you." Then she says something about being paranoid. I can hear her fighting tears when they hang up.

She comes back to me and says she doesn't know why Jimmy is not signing the papers and that she's telling him if he doesn't sign by Wednesday they are going back to court. She says he doesn't complain about the money he gives her every month - so it can't be the money. She wonders if it's cutting that last tie to her.

Of course, she thinks it has to do with still wanting her. She wouldn't think anything else even if he wrote across the sky that it's the money.

Thunderous Days

2006-10-26T07:51:00.002-07:00

Mr. Kotter (remember - Mr. is actually a Mrs.) was following Jessica to the restroom talking to her as they walked. All while emitting these loud thunderous explosive sounds.

They each walked into stalls with Mr. Kotter still carrying on the conversation and the explosions. It was all Jessica could do to hold back the laughter.

Another co-worker could not hold it back. She was in another stall and started laughing hysterically.

Smokin' in the Boys Room

2006-10-26T07:51:00.001-07:00

Marilyn paged for MG to call her. When he did, she picked up the phone and said, "meet me in the boys' bathroom."

Aside from the fact that they are meeting there.... Why does she call it BOYS' bathroom????

What's the First Letter?

2006-10-26T07:51:00.000-07:00

Earlier this week I (Cat) wore a sweatshirt that my nieces bought me a couple of years ago when I moved here from another state - all because of them. It says, "Coolest Aunt in the World."

As I was walking to Wilma's desk she asked "What's the first letter?"

I had no clue what she was talking about but thought surely she's not asking for the first letter of the alphabet - I knew she was smarter than that! Turns out, my hair was covering the "A" in "Aunt".

When I realized she was looking at my shirt, I moved my hair out of the way. She says, "Oh, it's an A. I thought it was a K but I knew that wasn't how you spelled it."

What the????? I think I should be offended at that comment. I just write that off to her stupidity and ignorance.

It's Cold in Here

2006-10-26T07:28:00.001-07:00

One department was feeling a little cooler than they wanted so they approached MG about the problem. He checked and discovered that the furnace was blowing cold air but couldn't figure out why.

What he did not discover..... the thermostat was set on "cool" instead of "heat". How smart is that for a maintenance guy?????

Healthy Teeth & Gums

2006-10-26T07:28:00.000-07:00

Dog was on the phone talking to Jessica. They had been talking for a few minutes when all of a sudden Dog could hear a weird brushing sound and Jessica got silent. When she did talk it was muffled.

Dog was about ready to IM Cat to tell her that she thought Jessica was brushing her teeth in her office when Jessica laughed and said "I'm brushing my teeth" then added "Don't worry, I'm throwing away the cup."

Dog's worry was not about the cup, it was WHY ARE YOU BRUSHING YOUR TEETH WHILE TALKING TO ME ON THE PHONE?!?!?!?! Gross!!!!!!

So, What Time Do You Have to be Back at Jail?

2006-10-18T07:37:00.000-07:00

A co-worker recently broke up with her live-in boyfriend who admitted to being a drug addict. Now she's interested in a man who works across the street from us - who is on work release. He gets out of jail in the morning to come to work then returns in the evening.

Her opening line to him to let him know she's interested..... "Hey! Do you have an ol' lady?"

Looks to us like she's jumping from the frying pan into the fire. Rumor has it that his jail sentence is for drugs....

Marilyn Strikes Again!

2006-10-11T08:39:00.000-07:00

We were having the daily "what's for lunch?" discussion this morning and the topic turned to pizza. Wilma started talking about Fred's inability to eat certain pizzas because they make him sick.

Marilyn announces, "I can't eat apples unless I cut them up into little pieces because of my gums."

We were not that interested in Fred's pizza problem - but at least it related to the topic of conversation.

Janitor Shares a Monica Story

2006-10-10T13:51:00.001-07:00

A few people from other departments gathered in our department today dishing on Monica. They were close so it was not hard to hear what they were saying.

The janitor recounted a story about Monica. She was walking in the hallway behind Monica on day and saw a maxi-pad fall out of her pants leg! She made Monica aware of what had just happened because she didn't want to be the person who had to pick it up.

Den Mother Wilma

2006-10-10T13:51:00.000-07:00

Wilma has assumed the role of den mother for her son's Cub Scout troop.

Enough said. Would you want her as a role model for your children?

Pseudo-Tourette Syndrome

2006-10-10T11:53:00.000-07:00

Monica makes this involuntary noise about 2-4 times per hour that sounds similar to a hiccup, only louder. She calls it "beeping". Several people have told her that it's a mild form of Tourette Syndrome. She immediately denies and dismisses their claim and won't ask her doctor.

Lately she has started saying that she has "Pseudo-Tourette Syndrome".

Marilyn Figured It Out....

2006-10-05T10:25:00.000-07:00

Follow-up on our last post "Going to the Hospital..... for a Latte!"

Marilyn, a few minutes ago, "I figured out why I really really liked the latte I had over the weekend. I was still sick and my taste buds were all out of whack. Now it has an aftertaste. Will I go back to the hospital again to get another one? No."

Of course she was sick. She's sick with one thing or another over half the time because she wants attention.

Going to the Hospital for..... a Latte!

2006-10-05T07:56:00.000-07:00

This morning Marilyn announced "I never take a break so I'm going to go to the hospital to get a latte." We have a convenience store 2 doors down and a Starbucks just down the street, but she chooses the hospital. She had one there over the weekend and really liked it even though she hates coffee.

Before she leaves she stops by to see me (Cat) and (surprisingly) offers to pick one for me if I want one. I said "no thanks, don't like coffee or anything that has coffee in it."

Then she started. "But it doesn't taste like coffee."

"No thanks."

She didn't let up.

Dog is out today, but her sense of timing is great. She called while Marilyn was still trying to convince me to try one! I made sure Dog stayed on the phone until Marilyn gave up and left.

Fast forward 30 minutes. I walk by Marilyn's desk and ask how her latte is. "It's OK. It's not what I thought it was but I'm glad I went and got it."

Huh????? She had one over the weekend so how can it not be what she thought it was? And why, if she doesn't really like it, is she glad she went?

Bump 'n' Grind

2006-10-04T12:50:00.000-07:00

The subject of dancing came up today. Marilyn started talking about JoeJack's teenage niece who was dancing provocatively with her father (JoeJack's brother). Marilyn commented about it to her mother and mom said, "She dances like that with boys." JoeJack's niece then offered to teach him the moves. JoeJack wisely declined.

The song they were dancing to - "Baby Gots Back" .... according to Marilyn, anyway.

Marilyn said to us, "It's a good thing I don't have a daughter. I'd chaperone all of her dances. She wouldn't like me. I wouldn't let her do all that body gruntin'.'" Let's see.... wouldn't that be grinding, not grunting.

Wilma's Keeping Fred Out of Jail

2006-10-03T10:07:00.000-07:00

We always know when Fred is calling Wilma - she uses the rooster ringtone for him. When he called today she reminded him to go to the courthouse and pay the child support on their son.

She probably gave him the money to go pay it!

We're assuming this is support that is still in arrears since she agreed at their last court hearing that he does not have to pay as long as they are together........ Since she provides most of his support she would have to give him the money to pay through the court system so they can return the money to her.

O Canada

2006-10-02T11:45:00.001-07:00

Monica has a long distance relationship with a guy that she sees once every year or two. They call each other and send cards. His writing and grammar look like a second-grader - she blames that on him living in Canada because "that's they way they do it there." Sometimes he doesn't even put a name on the envelope - just her address.

They were talking on the phone and he commented that he wanted to meet her father and made a reference to "son-in-law". Monica ignored the comment and continued her conversation with him.

He interrupted her and said, "what do you think???" She told him she just wanted companionship & not marriage.

She came to work the next day telling everyone that she had a marriage proposal from the guy she likes, but never sees, but that she would never get married again.

Bye Bye Birdies

2006-10-02T11:45:00.000-07:00

Marilyn has been complaining that a bird ate all the fish out of her pond and that Buell knocked down all of her yard "purties" trying to catch it. Now they are thinking about rigging up some sort of siren that will go off when the bird comes flying in.

We hope that siren keeps them awake at night!

Monica's Bitten by the Christmas Card Bug

2006-10-02T11:20:00.000-07:00

Monica has been asking everyone for the last month about Christmas cards - specifically getting lists of names and asking opinions on the cards. Early on Cat told her that we could custom design our own card and have it printed for half the price, but she wasn't interested. She said that our CEO "really likes this one because it has a cut-out."

She bugged us so much about it that Cat finally went to the CEO and told him that we could do a custom card with an envelope for about 60 cents per card. He was intrigued by this because we can put our logo on it and it wouldn't be "corporate cookie-cutter" card. He also added he didn't have much of an opinion on the cards before but that Monica wouldn't like it because it doesn't have the foil inside the envelope. Then he gave Cat the task of telling Monica to not order the cards. Five minutes too late. She called the CEO and he told her to cancel the order.

She's sulking about it and started playing in Paint and PrintMaster trying to design something for the card. She brought it to show to Cat who wasn't impressed with it (and somehow refrained from laughing out loud). Cat told her that the card has to be designed in Photoshop throwing in technical terms Monica would not understand and that what she was doing wouldn't import.

If she hadn't been coming in 3 or 4 times a week bugging us about the cards - she would have gotten her way.

How Do You Lose a Cat on a Leash?

2006-09-25T11:58:00.000-07:00

Marilyn and I (Cat) were talking this morning about a completely unrelated subject when she suddenly says, "I lost Kitty for about 10 minutes yesterday - with her leash on. I was about ready to call JoeJack to get Buell and come help me look for her. Buell can always find her. I tell him "go find your sister". He starts sniffing the ground and goes straight to her. He's so smart."

How could you lose a cat that's on a leash?! Just follow the leash the the other end and you will eventually find her!

And... this is from a person who says she's not an animal lover. Yet she's always talking her Buell & Kitty. We haven't heard anything lately about the birds.... and we're not going to ask about them!

Monica's Weekend

2006-09-21T07:12:00.000-07:00

Monica reported to us on her weekend. She sadly had no offers like last weekend, but "I did get a hug from this guy I really like at the bar. But he has issues. I think he's an alcoholic."

But You Should Read My Mind...

2006-09-21T06:39:00.000-07:00

This morning Marilyn decided she wanted to order breakfast from a local diner. She doesn't care for their biscuits, so she ordered toast with sausage gravy, hashbrowns, and eggs. She came back to work and opened her breakfast - they put gravy over the toast. She was hot!

Her side of the conversation:

"I just pick up a food order. There's gravy all over my toast."

"NO. I'm NOT going to eat it like that!"

When she called in her order - she did not tell them to package the gravy separately. She just thought they should read her mind.

She also asked me, Cat, if I wanted anything while she was going. I ordered hasbrowns and toast. She asks, "Don't you eat meat?" Does she ignore all those cheeseBURGERS and CHICKEN fingers that I order????

Signs Signs Everywhere a Sign....

2006-09-14T12:08:00.000-07:00

I (Cat) was recently on vacation and came across the street signs below. I had a quick glance at the first one and asked my friend if she saw it. She did not so we turned around to go back and check it. It was also wrong from the opposite direction, but in a different way.

Massachusetts was spelled correctly one block over at 44th. We think that the people who made and put up this sign probably used to work here and moved away - it looks like something our co-workers would do!