See ya!

Dog and Wilma were discussing paperwork and paper trails. As Wilma was walking away, Dog told her "CYA" (which, as most people know, is short for cover your a$$)....

Wilma says "see ya!"

Update to Yesterday's Attack

Dog & I went outside to look around after the "paint soldiers" across the street went home. Not only did they use our dumpster as a target.... They also hit our new van and the windshield of a co-worker's car.

We washed the paint splatter off those 2 vehicles - but they should have done that before they left!

The stupidity just radiates from this building....

We're Under Attack!

Dog and I kept hearing these noises like something hitting metal. She thought it was me, I thought it was someone hitting something outside the building. I finally wondered aloud, "what is going on?"

She looked out the window from her office, I got up and looked out the back door window. The guys that work across the street were target shooting a paintgun with yellow paintballs.... using our dumpster as a target.

I walked outside, held up my arms, and said, "We surrender."

They laughed and said it will wash off with water.... question is.... who's doing the washing? Shouldn't be us...

Soft Like a Baby's Bottom

Wilma came back from the restroom and started putting lotion on her hands. Nothing stupid about that. Her reasoning, though, is another story.... "the soap in the restroom makes my hands too soft."

And how is hand lotion going to help that??? We thought its purpose is to soften hands....

Marilyn Loves JoeJack

Instead of taking notes during a staff meeting yesterday Marilyn doodled and wrote "JoeJack" all over her paper.

Obscene Page

A few minutes ago Stormy picked up the phone in her department to do a company-wide page. We weren't sure for a few minutes what was happening because all we could hear was heavy breathing!

The Stupidity has Spread to a Neighboring Business

Cat has the worst "battery acid caffiene sugar water" addiction so she makes the morning walk to the convenient store two stores down for the soda run. Occasionally Dog will add french toast sticks to her order leaving Cat unable to resist that temptation. :)

One morning last week was such a morning - and the morning we discovered the employees there sometimes battle stupidity. Instead of maple syrup to go with the french toast sticks..... they gave us butter and marinara sauce! Luckily we have an over-abundance of maple syrup since they always give you an extra.

This turned even funnier later in the day when Marilyn was talking about the "mariana" sauce that came with breakfast.

Bam-Bam's Bad Report

Wilma came in this morning with a paper from Bam-Bam's teacher that she wanted to read to us. She read various things about Bam-Bam screaming when he doesn't get his way, not paying attention in class, tattling on his classmates, and many more. After each one she would state, "that's not my child."

We don't have any problem at all believing these things because that's the kind of behavior that is modeled for him from his parents.

More Than We Really Want to Know

Wilma has had a travel mug from a drug company on her desk for a few days - the front desk coming in to the department.

The drug advertised on this mug..... Testim 1% .... Testosterone gel

We don't want to know which of them is using it! We just noticed a headline on MSN about testosterone gel and women. http://health.msn.com/centers/menopause/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100141547.

Why couldn't she have just left that at home?!?!?!!

Monica's Unusual Art Collection

It must be her idea of an art collection because we can think of no other reason to save them and have them displayed on the filing cabinet in her office. We're prepared for the "yuks" "ewwws" and other comments!

As you probably know, Monica is our Human Resources person. That means she does the drug testing for new hires - and current employees if it is necessary. When you walk into her office it isn't unusual to see 2-10 little plastic collection cups of urine. She doesn't throw them out until she copies the test results for the files - sometimes this will take 2 or 3 months. The test results are on the side of the collection cups.

After she finally copies the results, she will go to the restroom to empty the cups. After it's been fermenting for months we can just imagine the smell! She then throw the cups away and starts all over again....

Apple Doesn't Fall Far From the Tree

According to Marilyn, her mother can be a "pisser" on the phone. She told Marilyn about the following phone. For these purposes, Mom's name will be Susan Boozman, pronounced BOZE-man. There is no relation to the Representative from Arkansas.

Susan answered the phone and the other party asked for Susan BOOZE-men, instead of BOZE-man.

Susan: "I don't know if she is here. I just broke in to see if there was any money laying around. Do you want me to leave her a note?"

The lady hung up on her.

After hearing the story, Marilyn said, "Mom, what if she was calling the cops?"

Mom: "I'd just let the state boy in."

When she related the story to Dog, Marilyn said that a state boy patrols that area.

We're sure the state police would be thrilled to know there are people that call them "state boys."

No! You Are Wrong!

Last week a pack of cigarettes was slipping out of Marilyn's front jeans pocket. They were spotted by someone who called her on it.... and she denied it!

Then a couple of days ago, a cigarette lighter was slipping out of her pocket. We didn't say anything, but have decided next time we're calling her on it.

She's constantly complaining about not being able to breathe and about her allergies. If we could, we would bet money in Vegas that it's all about being a closet smoker and nothing to do with allergies.

Will You Marry Me?

Monica got another marriage proposal from the guy in Canada. This time it was a direct "will you marry me?" not an indirect like he did last time. Unfortunately for us, she turned him down.

They've seen each other twice with the last time being almost 2 years ago. They talk on the phone and write maybe once a month. I jokingly (but wishing she would) told her she should be adventurous and jump right in and marry the guy.

She said her reply was, "but you don't know me. You don't that when I get mad I cry and then I start cussing." {She throws f-bombs in the office}

He said, "I'd go fishing."

The proposal came at a bad time, too. Her father, who lives a few hours away, is bringing his new girlfriend for Thanksgiving. This is the first holiday since her mother passed away after a long illness and Monica's refusing to go to Thanksgiving dinner. She's also letting her dad know in no uncertain terms that she is very unhappy that he's living his life. He stayed at home for a few years unable to do anything for himself because he was caring for her mother.

When her mother was living, every few months Monica would drive almost 6 hours to visit, stay a few hours, and drive back. Her mom couldn't communicate well, if at all, so she didn't want to stay overnight or for a weekend. She sure wasn't helping give her dad any relief then and now she's blasting him for not staying home alone.

And in this Corner....

A few minutes ago Marilyn was on the phone with Jimmy, her ex-husband, fighting (still - after 3 years) about money and the percentage of his pension she gets - or something like that. She suddenly tells him she will call him back - then she says hello again.... this time to JoeJack.... and not the usual sickly sweet "hi, honey"... trouble in paradise again? She tells him that she's fighting with Jimmy about money.

Apparently JoeJack is on one of his "contractor" (handyman) jobs, because she says, "but I didn't know she was going to stay and help you." Then she says something about being paranoid. I can hear her fighting tears when they hang up.

She comes back to me and says she doesn't know why Jimmy is not signing the papers and that she's telling him if he doesn't sign by Wednesday they are going back to court. She says he doesn't complain about the money he gives her every month - so it can't be the money. She wonders if it's cutting that last tie to her.

Of course, she thinks it has to do with still wanting her. She wouldn't think anything else even if he wrote across the sky that it's the money.