Did She Really Say That?

Monica was doing a new employee orientation this morning. As usual, she brought the new employee to each department for introductions. When she got to the CEO's office, she introduced him as "the head honcho dude"!

How is That Part of Safety Training?

A complaint has been lodged against Marilyn by some employees in a branch in another city. They came here for "safety training" a couple of weeks ago. Included in that safety training were stories about Marilyn's big house she used to live in and her divorce settlement. Plus many more, we're sure. Even though they lodged a complaint, they are still talking about these stories that she told.

They fell behind in the actual training but Marilyn couldn't stay to finish because she had "a lunch date with my boyfriend."

Let's see.... she LIVES with JoeJack... that means she would have been seeing him in 5 hours or less so she could have cancelled their "lunch date" especially since she derailed training with stories of her personal life.

Soda & Broccoli - Not a Good Combo!

Jessica was alone in her office and thought she was the only one in her department at this particular time. She was drinking her diet soda and got the urge to belch, so she did. Loudly. Plus, she told us that she had been also been eating broccoli which made it more unpleasant. Much to her embarrassment our Marketing Director was standing outside her door. He walked into her office and his face was beet red from the embarrassment of hearing it.

Are Hillary & Stormy Twins?

Hillary was standing outside Jessica's office. When she bent over you would have sworn it was Stormy standing there and loud noises emitted from her backside. Jessica heard it, tried to ignore it, and continued to type.

Hillary turns around and smiles saying, "did you hear me?" Jessica, trying to be polite and not laugh, says, "oh, I'm sorry, I didn't hear you, what did you say?" Hillary then said, "oh, it was nothing" and walked away.

You Should Have Seen....

the person who came in late yesterday to apply for a job. We were officially closed, but hadn't locked the door so we gave her an application and told her we would route it to HR.

She was wearing black gaucho pants with a teal STRAPLESS top.... with a regular bra - not a strapless bra. She was wearing makeup more suited for evening with heavy eyeliner.

After she left we stuck a one word note on the application for Monica, who works in HR, which said "dress". Monica saw her come in and wanted us to stick the reminder on there.

We glanced at the application before routing it - she was referred by a current employee who doesn't work on-site but is in regularly for paperwork, gas cards, and keys. That employee shows up wearing pajama bottoms 90% of the time. Sometimes with the band dropped below her belly while wearing a shirt that doesn't cover her belly. What a sight!

That also reminds us on the person who came in one time to apply for CFO. He was wearing SHORT skin tight gym shorts. Of course he didn't get the job. Remember - when you go in to apply for a job... dress the part and be nice to the people who take the applications. They may be jotting things on sticky notes for HR.

Runaway Bride ... Reversal of Decision

Runaway Bride changed her mind and decided to go back to her husband. He agreed to quit his job so he could stay home with their son and take him to school.

This can't be the reason she had decided to leave the state. If we hear the real story, we will pass it on.

She is back at work and has rescinded her resignation.

Runaway Bride's Wedding

Cat's Day at the Wedding

I didn't get any sleep the night before the wedding due to taking pictures at my niece's slumber party and making DVD slideshows for each of the girls to take home that morning. So... some of the crazy stuff probably helped keep me awake!

I was told that the church was across the street from "the big church" in town, but was never given an address or even a street name. They told me that "the big church" was just a plain old Christian church. I did some Googling for information because it's about 40-50 minutes from where I live.

There is a Townname Christian Church there - so I was looking for it, but should have been looking for the Methodist Church. Luckily, the town is smaller than 10 blocks by 10 blocks! I'm glad it was in town and not out in more rural areas where I would have had a harder time finding it.

I had been told to arrive at 1:30 ... since I didn't know exactly where I was going, I left home early. I found the church about 1:00 and sat outside waiting. When the bride and groom arrived at 1:40 (with their child) they were fighting. There were a few more spats before the wedding and at the reception.

Before the wedding I walked over to the (small) reception hall to get pictures of the cake. The bride's father and the groom were taking the cake tiers out of the boxes, putting them on the stands, and trying to figure out how to drape the fabric on the bottom and wind the ivy up the poles of the stands. The blind leading the blind. The cake came from Wally-World (WalMart) and was decorated with pink & blue roses - looked more like a baby shower cake when you don't know the gender of the baby yet.

Bride's father was wearing a baseball team's t-shirt under his white shirt - you could see the logo through the back. Thankfully he wore his jacket during the ceremony, which lasted all of 10 minutes.

Bride's mother (Stormy) wore black pants and a black top with a bright tropical shirt over the black top. You could barely see her corsage because of the bold print.

Minister who performed the ceremony wore a tie with bright colors. The design included a church.

We won't even go into details of jeans, shorts, etc.

Bride's sister had to get money from dad to buy gas to get back home. They stopped at Starbucks on the way to the wedding and spent their gas money.

I told the bride before the ceremony that when it was over we would do family pictures at the front of the church. All she wanted when it was over was a picture of them with the minister who performed the ceremony. As the reception was nearing its end, the groom's family started asking about family pictures. We took those outside the church. Runaway Bride wasn't interested in those shots earlier, so I wasn't forcing the issue with her before the reception.

Counting children, there were no more than 30 people at the wedding. If the children had not been there, there would not have been anyone to catch the bouquet or garter!

It was a crazy crazy day......

Update on Fred & Wilma's Court Proceeding

Fred paid the money that he owed and did not go to jail. Wilma insists that she did not pay it for him.

Wilma signed an agreement that Fred is not responsible for child support as long as they are together. It will resume with next break-up.

Fred sure came out on the better end of this deal. He has a free place to live and doesn't have to pay child support. Meals are cooked for him. He doesn't work except for picking up odd jobs here and there to make a little money.

Wilma's excuse is always "but I love him." She loves him but can't stop talking her fiancee who died about 3 years ago. She's not near as bad as Marilyn, but most any subject can be turned to her dearly departed beloved fiancee.

Is This the Beginning of the End....Again?

Fred and Wilma have a court hearing again today over child support. Fred has to pay child support since he and Wilma are no longer married, even though they live together. Fred does not think this is fair and does not want to pay the support. He rarely chips in on living expenses anyway.

Today is supposed to be a "pay or go to jail" - we will see what happens.

Over the weekend they began fighting again. She asked him for some money and he got mad. Will she pay for him so he doesn't have to go to jail? Does he have the money to pay it? Will he go to jail? Will they kiss and make up or will they split up AGAIN? Only time will tell....

The Runaway Bride

Stormy, Jr. has earned herself a new name - The Runaway Bride. She got married nine days ago and I (The Cat) had the pleasure(?) of taking the wedding pictures. The wedding itself is another post which I have not gotten to yet.

Last week I uploaded the wedding pictures to the local camera shop lab for printing of the 3 full sets they had requested. I picked those up on Saturday and brought them in this morning to deliver them. I was greeted with the news from someone in our department that the bride has left her groom - and was at Stormy's house getting ready to leave for another state far far away. As I had only been paid the fee for the wedding, I left our department and went straight to Stormy with the pictures acting as if I knew nothing. She told me what was happeneing and assured me that if Stormy Jr./Runaway Bride didn't pay for the pictures that she would write me a check. I did this wedding as a last minute favor to them (they asked 3 days before) - and did it for a fraction of what would normally be charged because I knew they were on a budget. They had only been planning the wedding for 3 weeks.

Stormy was called home earlier today because the police were at her house. Runaway Bride and the groom have been together for 7 or 8 years and have a 5 or 6 year old son. The groom apparently found out about her intention of leaving the state and has called the police to keep her from leaving and taking their son with her. How bad was their honeymoon?????

We're waiting to see if Squirrel takes off for parts unknown, too, if Runaway Bride actually leaves. On June 14th we posted about the engagement - http://random-acts-of-stupidity.blogspot.com/2006/06/heartbroken-squirrel.html .... which was just days after Squirrel had mentioned an interest in her - http://random-acts-of-stupidity.blogspot.com/2006/06/squirrel-dodges-bullet-and-considers.html.

Is That Paint?

Wilma walked by Marilyn and walked straight over to The Dog and asked "did Marilyn paint her pants on today?"

You could see everything!!! This was the same day that she wore the butterfly tank backwards.

Part 3 of 3... Ties It All Together in a Nice Neat Knot

If you haven't read parts 1 & 2, please scroll down and read those first!

The Dog was trying to talk to Jessica and in walks Marilyn. Marilyn told us that she wanted us to read an email that she had sent to MG about the safety issues and deadlines. It was awful!! The spelling and sentence structure were terrible. Jessica was in no mood to talk to Marilyn - she rolled her eyes when Marilyn entered. She looked at the printed copy and said that MG would be mad.

Jessica then said that she had to go pick up her daughter who was working with the yearbook committee at school. Marilyn took this opportunity to ask if it was possible to get copies of older yearbooks. We told her to contact the school. She proceeded to tell us why she needed one. (All this while Jessica is trying to leave.)

It turns out that she's looking for a year book from 20-30 years ago. She's trying to find a picture of JoeJack's brother that was shot and killed. JoeJack's mother had a fire in one of her homes & most of her pictures were destroyed. Marilyn is making it her mission to try to buy the yearbook for her.

She proceeded to tell us that he was involved in an accidental shooting when he was in his early teens. (Up until now when she talked about it she made it sound like he was an older teenager and murdered.) I, The Dog, then got to hear again how JoeJack's mother paid to have the body moved to a new location. WE WERE HAVING A PERFECTLY FINE CONVERSATION WITHOUT HER AND THEN WE HAD TO LISTEN TO JOEJACK'S BROTHER'S STORY AGAIN!!!!!

Part 2 of 3 .... Nitpicking About Workplace Safety Violations

If you haven't read Part 1 of 3 yet, please scroll down and do that before you read this one... part 3 will tie everything together....

Marilyn & MG are having issues again!! MG was mowing around the parking lot where Marilyn parks. Marilyn went out to her vehicle to leave for lunch and saw grass on her back bumper. Upon closer inspection she said it looked like a rock had hit it & chipped the paint away. She contacted the dealership & they told her they would fix it and not charge her for it since there was no dent.

We then got to hear about it all day long. (Yes, it would have upset us too, but would have dropped it once the issue was resolved.) She said that if she had been charged for the paint she would have made MG pay for it out of his pocket. We tried to explain to her that the company would pay for it before MG would.

To get retribution she decided to pick on some safety issues that he doesn't do up to her perfect standards. (After all, she chairs the safety team.) She even gave him deadlines and threatened to write him up over it. All of this because her paint got chipped. We aren't even sure that it was MG who did it. It could have happened somewhere else!

Part 1 of 3 .... Moving Bodies

Monica's mother recently passed. Monica was off work for a week and had to travel quite a distance. After Monica returned she was telling Marilyn and the Dog that her father chose a very sturdy and expensive casket for her mother. He did this so that if Monica and her brother could have the casket moved to another location in the future if they choose to do so.

Marilyn did not miss a beat. She immediately said, "It costs about (can't remember the number) to have a body moved. I should know. JoeJack's mother just moved his brother's body. He was shot and killed when he was a teenager."

Monica commented that she probably would not move her mother's body and walked away.

How inappropriate!!!!!!

Follow the Trail

Marilyn asked Jessica to sign checks last week because CEO would soon be leaving for the golf outing and did not have time. Jessica told The Dog about the conversation that ensued after the request. The Dog asked her to write it in an e-mail and send it to The Cat - little did Jessica know why we really wanted it in an e-mail.... it was so we could share it with you. We're putting in puncuation and paragraphs to make it easier for you to read. The comments in parenthesis are Jessica's about what Marilyn is saying.

Marilyn asked, "Can you please sign checks because CEO is leaving?" I, of course, said "sure" and that caused a major discussion.

I was informed she would be leaving to go to the golfing event and she could not believe she had to wear this boy shirt. Her Daddy never allowed her to dress like a boy. "If he saw me he would say, 'what the h*** are you wearing. You are not a boy.' I am almost 50 and I still wear only things my Daddy would let me wear. He has been gone 3 years this Sunday."

The last statement was a segue into "last night I drove into my garage which is under the house. I went a way I never do and saw water all over the basement. I yelled for JoeJack, who is doing a roofing job and just got home. Kitty's potty was full, I guess she has been holding her potty because she did not potty in the house. I cleaned her potty and she came a running (forest Gump and I was runnin). I noticed that a box of dishes was soaked. I had the dishes in a box because I did not have anywhere to put them because my Ex took back his grandmothers china cabinet that should have been mine, because she would have wanted me to have it. My Ex cleaned it and made it purty and then took it from me. JoeJack and me cleaned the water. Do you know he painted my kitchen with out covering anything and did not spill a drop? I better get back to the front cause I am leaving and have to wear my boys shirt."

Can you follow that trail? We have:
checks need signed
golf outing
boys shirt
daddy's dead
flooded basement
cleaning litter box
Ex took HIS grandmother's china cabinet (she's still mad over this)
JoeJack painting without dropcloths (HER kitchen, not theirs)
boys shirt

It's just amazing this gift that she has!

Marilyn and the Butterfly Tank Top

We recently had a corporate golf outing. Marilyn came to work that day wearing a butterfly tank top from Avon - and intentionally wearing it with the butterflies in the front instead of the back. She was upset when she was told that those of us volunteering were wearing polo shirts with our logo. Her words, "But my daddy NEVER let me wear anything like that growing up. I can't wear that - it's a boy shirt." She tried. She didn't win. She had to wear the polo or stay at work.

At the golf outing she was heard complaining about it and telling someone about her "cute shirt" that she wanted wear, and that she was wearing it with the butterflies in the front because her hair got caught in them. Yeah, right. It showed more cleavage with them in the front - that's the real reason.

For your amusement, we've posted a picture of the tank that we found online. ..... And if you want to buy one for yourself so you can wear it Marilyn's way, we found one for sale in an e-bay store at http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=270008858143&category=63868.

Remembering the 70s

The CEO & I (Cat) wound up in a conversation about stand-up comedians. Wilma walked up to us and started talking about a band that was on America's Got Talent - or one of those shows. She said the main lyrics to their song was "we are a band."

Then she added, "That show reminds me of The Bong Show."

CEO & I, in unison: "The Bong Show???"

Wilma: "Yes, the one where they hit that thing."

Cat: "You mean 'The Gong Show'"

Wilma: "I thought it was 'The Bong Show'. That's the sound it made."

CEO: "You're just thinking about what you were doing when you were watching it."

Wilma: "I was only six."

Dr. Marilyn McGraw - You're on the Air

For reasons we can't comprehend, staff from other departments sometime come to Marilyn and tell her all sorts of things about their private lives.

This week, one co-worker who works off-site came in and started telling Marilyn about this girl he had just started seeing, but thankfully hadn't kissed yet. They were sitting on his stoop when she saw a truck and said "that's my dad's truck." Co-worker said, "no, that's my dad's truck." She is his half-sister..... and neither of them had a clue!

Marilyn uses us as her TV audience after he leaves, telling us about it and giving her commentary. She starts talking about "my daddy" and how she's sure that she has no half-siblings running around because "all us Monroe kids looks like Monroes. You can tell by looking at us."

She then went on about how that she could understand that a strong attraction between a brother & sister who didn't know they were siblings because of a strong sibling love .... after all she loves her brothers, but not in "that way".