How Do You Lose a Cat on a Leash?

Marilyn and I (Cat) were talking this morning about a completely unrelated subject when she suddenly says, "I lost Kitty for about 10 minutes yesterday - with her leash on. I was about ready to call JoeJack to get Buell and come help me look for her. Buell can always find her. I tell him "go find your sister". He starts sniffing the ground and goes straight to her. He's so smart."

How could you lose a cat that's on a leash?! Just follow the leash the the other end and you will eventually find her!

And... this is from a person who says she's not an animal lover. Yet she's always talking her Buell & Kitty. We haven't heard anything lately about the birds.... and we're not going to ask about them!

Monica's Weekend

Monica reported to us on her weekend. She sadly had no offers like last weekend, but "I did get a hug from this guy I really like at the bar. But he has issues. I think he's an alcoholic."

But You Should Read My Mind...

This morning Marilyn decided she wanted to order breakfast from a local diner. She doesn't care for their biscuits, so she ordered toast with sausage gravy, hashbrowns, and eggs. She came back to work and opened her breakfast - they put gravy over the toast. She was hot!

Her side of the conversation:

"I just pick up a food order. There's gravy all over my toast."

"NO. I'm NOT going to eat it like that!"

When she called in her order - she did not tell them to package the gravy separately. She just thought they should read her mind.

She also asked me, Cat, if I wanted anything while she was going. I ordered hasbrowns and toast. She asks, "Don't you eat meat?" Does she ignore all those cheeseBURGERS and CHICKEN fingers that I order????

Signs Signs Everywhere a Sign....

I (Cat) was recently on vacation and came across the street signs below. I had a quick glance at the first one and asked my friend if she saw it. She did not so we turned around to go back and check it. It was also wrong from the opposite direction, but in a different way.

Massachusetts was spelled correctly one block over at 44th. We think that the people who made and put up this sign probably used to work here and moved away - it looks like something our co-workers would do!

e i e i ohhhhh......

For reasons only she knows Marilyn, who will be 50 soon, said to MG, "We're about the same age. How old are you?"

Dog says, "You could be his mother."

MG replies, "Getting ready to turn 39."

Marilyn: "I'm old enough to be Dog's mom."

Cat, just to stir the pot: "Biologically you are old enough to be his mother."

She then goes on to say that she really knew at age 15 what that was and even though "I grew up on a farm and knew about it with the animals I didn't think about it with humans. How should I know about that with people, I was only around my parents and they never did it in front of us."

Dog: "Well, I hope not!"

Just like Old McDonald.... Marilyn had a farm.....

Way Too Much Information

As I'm typing Monica, who is in her late 30s, is at the front of our department recounting her weekend at the bar.

A 67 year old man offered to have sex with her. She's talking about kissing his moustache.

Now it's something about two men laying her across their laps and bouncing her up and down. One of them tried to kiss her.

IF you were going to allow yourself to be subjected to such behavior would you come in and announce it to the entire office????

You Remind Yourself!

In my peripheral vision I (Cat) saw Wilma walking through the department today and could see some sort of motion but didn't want to look over to see what it was. Then I heard her muttering "remind me to throw away my underwear when I get home."

I asked, "What???"

She said, "Oh, nothing."

Apparently she was tugging at her underwear and didn't realize she was muttering loud enough to be heard.

Sexy Wilma

When Fred calls the office for Wilma he always says "Wilma Flintstone, please."

We have no other Wilmas employed here. Wilma's real name is somewhat unique, so chances are slim that even Wal-Mart, with its 1.8 million employees, has someone with her name.

Speaking of Wilma and phones .... she has this annoying ring on her cell phone.... it's a rooster crowing.... not sure which is worse - this one or the Rod Stewart's "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?" ringtone she used to use....

Now a segue into another story.... A few of us were standing around chit-chatting one day and someone said something about losing weight so they could be sexy like Marilyn (who wasn't present). Wilma put her hands on her hips and vamped, saying, "I'm already sexy." We think not, but you'd have to see her to judge that for yourself.

You Like Your Donuts How???

Monica brought in leftover donuts from a morning meeting this week. Marilyn and Wilma were discussing which ones were better. Marilyn decided she would take one with peanuts, because it was healthier. (A healthy donut????)

Wilma said quietly, "I'm not saying what I thought she said."

Dog looked at Wilma, knew what Wilma thought she heard, and went into the conference room laughing.

Marilyn went into the conference room asking, "What? what?"

Dog: "Peanuts. What did it sound like?"

A puzzled Marilyn: "Huh?"

Dog, repeating the word faster: "Peanuts."

Marilyn: "Oh, no, I didn't mean that."

Buell Eats a Sofa Cushion

Yesterday Marilyn came back from lunch and started telling us how Buell was eating a sofa cushion when she arrived home. She said she kept telling him he is a bad dog.... then added "but I didn't cuss him out."

How would he know if she cussed him or not?

Have a Lovely Freakin' What?

Marilyn favorite saying to anyone and everyone is "have a lovely." We get so sick of hearing it that in addition to wanting to say, "Shut up already!" we want to say, "Have a lovely freakin' what?!?!!" Day? Life? What?

Shameless Flirting

An insurance salesman had a meeting with Monica. Marilyn saw him pull into the parking lot and started in on a story about how several years ago he came in and took a drink out of her unsweetened tea. She went on and on about how it grossed her out. When he walked in the door, he went straight over to her and told her how much he enjoyed coming to our company to see her. She started gushing and flirting with him.

This is the IM that followed between the Dog and Marilyn:

Dog says:
--{Dog actually puts in one of the "sick smileys" in messenger
... yellow smiley w/green cheeks ... the shortcut for it in messenger
is +o( }--

Dog says:
you suck up!

Dog says:
--{an entire row of the aforementioned sick smileys}--

Dog says:
you are a shameless flirt

Dog says:
and don't try to deny it

Dog says:
you know i am right

Marilyn says:
just being nice

Dog says:
whatever!!!!!

Then Marilyn walked in Dog's office laughing about the whole thing and telling how insurance guy kept looking at her.

Cat walked by and quipped "I'm telling JoeJack." Marilyn said, "that's OK. He flirts, too." Yeah, right.

It Might Be Real, So We Will Move 3 Inches Over to Smoke

As a part of the safety plan we do drills for every conceivable emergency. The latest was a bomb drill to see how quickly it would be reported and the building evacuated.

First, we will tell you about last year. Our maintenance guy wasn't very inventive, so the fake bomb was a cardboard box with paper taped to it that said "this is a bomb." It was placed outside the CEO's office and in just a couple of minutes someone saw it, reported it, and the building was evacuated. Succesful drill.

This year was different. We have MG - our new maintenance guy - who took the time to make something to somewhat resemble a bomb for the drill. There's a picture at the bottom of the post.

MG and Marilyn called the police to let them know that if they received a call from our location that it was a drill, then they planted the fake outside the warehouse door where all the smokers gather, including Wilma and Mrs. C. Marilyn knew they were gone to smoke so she was waiting for them to come back right away or call her to report it. When that didn't happen, she went to check on them. They were were waiting until they finished their cigarettes to report it! They said they saw it and talked about the fact that it could be real. Instead of reporting it, they decided to move over a few inches to smoke! Had it been real, those few inches would have made no difference. Needless to say, the drill was a failure.

Here's a picture of the fake....