Are Those Love Bites?

Marilyn has been complaining recently about bruising on her arms from Buell (her dog) biting her and says he's now targeting her bosom.

We think they look more like JoeJack bites than Buell. He's a big dog.... these are little bruises....

We Haven't Abandoned Our Blog....

We've been in and out of the office on different days and some of the things that have happened with them at home & at work are hilariously stupid.... but inappropriate to post here....

Sorry.... We're trying to think of ways to be able to post some of the stories - but watering them down takes away some of the humor.

Trouble in Paradise???

Last week Marilyn was looking for a phone number, so knowing that JoeJack had the number in his cell phone she picked it up & started looking for it. JoeJack caught her & was furious, thinking she was spying on him. This caused trouble for a few days.

Marilyn told Wilma that if she can't look at his stuff when she wants, then maybe she doesn't need to be with him.

They must have done some serious making up because things seem okay right now and she came back from lunch with a strong cologne smell she didn't have before she left. We're guessing some "lunchtime fun" and a smoke...... then trying to cover it up using cologne.

Marilyn.... a Closet Smoker???

A co-worker went on vacation with her mother-in-law recently. When she returned, Marilyn rushed to tell her that the her hubby had been running around all over town in her van because Marilyn had been watching. Marilyn thinks that EVERY husband is a cheater.

Said co-worker went home and told hubby.... He laughed and said, "Go back and tell her that unless she's driving around with a white pen in her mouth, I know she's smoking."

Co-worker didn't tell Marilyn, but she told the Dog. This explains quite a few things:

Marilyn's defense of JoeJack smoking in the house even though she has "sinus problems" Marilyn's vehicle window is ALWAYS cracked, regardless of precipitation or tempature and last, but not least, those lines around her mouth that resemble smoker's lines, even though she claims she doesn't smoke and that it's disgusting.

Sweet, but Light

One of Squirrel's children was selling candles for a fundraiser, Dog bought one. Squirrel brought it in today and when he gave it to Dog he asked if he could smell it because he had never smelled that scent - it was a vanilla nutmeg latte. He walks out of the room saying "Sweet, but light."

It's probably not as funny since you can't see him.... He likes to think of himself as this big burly macho man - and in reality he's a skinny short dude...

Marilyn's Favorite Subject

Marilyn turned in her timesheet today. She had called in one day last week and instead of just leaving the timesheet showing 8 hours of paid time off she notes in the area for that day's in-out times "me sick."

Not "sick" or "sick time" .... "Me sick" .... Of course she would write "me" .... it's her favorite subject..... She can turn a conversation about which Zambia and Zimbabwe universities have the best squash teams to herself in 2 turns or less.

Improper Disclosure at Work

Monica came in the office today and started talking about the skin tags and mole she had removed from her neck on Friday. Did she stop there? Nnnnnnoooooooooo.....

The Cat had to listen to her sharing WAY too much, "I wanted to have them removed in case I ever have a man kissing me on my neck. They gross me out and I can just imagine how much they would gross a man out."

In case????? Does that mean she has done the proper thing and ended her relationship with Clinton ....... or is he the "in case" reason? Maybe it was he who suggested they be removed.... hmmmmm......

The Safety Queen is Easily Baffled

Take a deep breath - Marilyn doesn't know punctuation when speaking or writing.... She recounted this conversation concerning her safety duties to The Dog & The Cat:

Marilyn: "I asked (co-worker) not to drive vehicles if there were loose seats or anything else that could fly during a wreck without telling someone so they could get them out."

Co-worker: "Well, there aren't any seatbelts in (vehicle X)."

Marilyn is baffled because, as she says, "what does seatbelts have to do with loose seats?"

Our view (The Dog, The Cat, and the above co-worker) is that PEOPLE could be flying around in an accident since there are no seat belts!

This is a Real Fire

We recently had a small fire in one of our warehouses. Marilyn, who is a member of our safety team, was actively involved in the internal investigation of what happened. Squirrel was able to put the very small fire out quickly. (Of course Marilyn made a huge deal about the fire.) Squirrel was overheard saying that maybe Marilyn would view him as a fireman since he was able to put out the fire. Then he laughed.

He doesn't want to be the object of her fireman obsession, he just wants the free "crotch shots" when she plays peek-a-boo. (see prior posting - http://random-acts-of-stupidity.blogspot.com/2006/03/marilyn-plays-peek-boo.html)

After pulling the fire alarm Marilyn pages over the intercom "this is a real fire. Leave the building immediately."

Sidenote: If our fire alarm goes off in error Marilyn calls the fire department directly instead of the alarm company (so she can talk to a real fireman!) We're surprised that since this was a real fire she didn't let them suit up to come rescue her....

No, It's Just my Hobby.....

The stupidity goes beyond these walls and comes in through the phones!

It was after hours and The Dog answered the Department phone as she walked by. The caller asked "Do you work there?"

Wanted to reply, "No. I just enjoy answering phones." .... but did not.....

New Words Created and New Meanings to Old Words

pitathy .... Wilma wanted pitathy after coming back from a mini-vacation taking her son to a zoo.... she said "no one told me that it had lots of hills and it was up and down all day."

disposed .... Marilyn says you're being "disposed" when you give a deposition.

deviated ... Marilyn says that wasteful spending means money is "deviated" from a raise for her.

wook .... Marilyn was telling one of her stories today and said "he wook up." For those of you who do not understand Marilyn-speak, wook = woke. We think this is how to spell it. It could possibly be "wuk."