Squirrel's New Truck

Squirrel is telling everyone about the new truck and how he really got a deal on it. He says that the dealer didn't make any money on it - because he sold it to us for the same amount that the bank would loan on it.... and showed him the value in the blue book.

They may have sold it at loan value ... but you can bet your last dollar they made money on the deal.... I worked for a GM/Jeep dealer years ago.... they don't make deals like that!

Tears Over a Parking Space

Squirrel bought a new truck for his department this week - and yesterday he parked it in the spot where Marilyn usually parks while she was at lunch (we do NOT have assigned spaces). When she came back, she wanted to know who was here .... just us ....

"No, who's here? Someone is in MY spot."

Squirrel walked in about that time and told her that was his new department truck. She told him to move it over one spot - because she's parked in that spot for 18 years. He told her he was protecting his new truck.

At this point she was almost in tears, telling him that she would protect his truck - she would look at it every day when she backs in.

We're down to a skeleton crew in this building - there are about 40 more places to park ... but she HAS to have that one....

This morning .... she was in tears telling Mrs. C (who wasn't here yesterday afternoon) about it....

A few minutes ago - she told the guy who usually drives the truck to park it over one spot.... We all chimed in that her name's not on it.... The tears started again and she said she would park in our spots.... We told her we'd park in any free space ....

Crying .... over a stupid parking space.... and, no, it's not right in front of the door.....

Elvis Has Left the Building....

Well, not Elvis.... but CEO has!

No more of his stupid remarks and comments.....

Most people are happy. Monica and Squirrel - not so much.... Monica is no longer in HR - and has been moved from her office. Squirrel is afraid he might be next - with good reason.

So, we've been busy changing passwords, securing networks, rekeying locks and all that fun stuff. Most of that work is over, so we should be resuming our posts.

Why Are You Dressed Up?

That was Squirrel's question to Dog today. He followed it up with "Wedding? Funeral?"

He's been "carrying the torch" for Dog for quite a few years, so his next response was whether she would be dressing up for a divorce and tried to say "divorce decree" but stumbled over it.... Marilyn "corrected" him (so she thinks) and told him it's "divorce degree".....

By the way.... she's dressed business casual.... nothing out of the ordinary......

Sorry. You Will Have to Cross Your Legs and Hold It.

....or make a trip to a neighboring business or home.

CEO decided that our floors in the breakroom/restrooms/halls needed to be stripped and waxed. Squirrel is over the maintenance/janitorial department, he and MG2 were the ones doing the work.

Squirrel, not wanting to inconvenience himself, decided that this would be done during the day instead of the usual overnight job.

So, instead of inconviencing himself, he caused a MAJOR inconvenience for the 60+ people in this building, leaving only 2 restrooms (single toilets in each) open. We have many people with disabilities who work here and that was even more of an inconvenience to them than us because of the location. It also took us below building code standards for the ratio of people to toilets.

This department opted to go on field trips during those two days.

Squirrel's "Little Girl"

Marilyn and Squirrel were talking about a supply order. He said, "my little girl called to let me know she's going on vacation. She didn't want me to think she forgot about me." He was talking about a salesperson.

The supply houses have discovered.... if you send a woman.... he's 10 times more likely to buy from you.... especially if she's pretty and flirts.

Wedding Bells are Ringing

Squirrel came in yesterday carrying a JC Penney bag. He stopped by Marilyn's desk to show her the engagement ring he bought for his girlfriend.

They must have gotten everything worked out.... there was a lot of tension when he had to take full custody of his children. They broke up, she moved out, then they got back together, but she didn't move back in.....

We hope whatever happens is best for the children.....

But What About Me????

A publicity photo I (Cat) took of a band a few months ago is on the back cover of their latest CD and used in ads in 3 national music magazines to promote the CD.

Squirrel was hanging around in our department waiting on someone - while we chatted I showed him the CD and my name in the liner notes. He says, "You're famous. You're the only famous person I know." I'm far from famous but this is a long-time dream come true.

Marilyn starts whining, "But I've been published."

Marilyn has had some pictures she pictures she's taken posted on the local fire department website and a couple in the weekly newspaper of a nearby town.... with a population of just over 2,000.

Shhh! Don't Tell JoeJack!

I (Cat) was walking through the breakroom when I overheard Squirrel saying something to Marilyn about her panties.

It's probably best that JoeJack doesn't hear about this..... he's about 4 times the size of Squirrel!

Not Quite Sure Where to Begin

I will recount what I can recall.....

This morning Wilma, Marilyn, and Mrs. C put up the Christmas tree in the department. While that was happening, Wilma took a red pipe cleaner and taped it under her nose like a moustache. A few minutes later she was walking around with the red pipe cleaner on top of her head like antlers (but looked more like devil horns!) and green garland draped around her neck. She may still be like that - thankfully neither of us can see her from where we are!

Squirrel comes in, sees Wilma all decked out in that glory, and remarks that she brought Christmas spirit to the office. Marilyn rolls around the corner and pipes up that "all of us helped. Well, me and Wilma and Mrs. C."

Squirrel must have made a remark about Wilma's antlers/horns and maybe they should be bigger because Wilma said, "I don't know about that. I get those penis enlargement emails all the time."

Squirrel: "I don't get any of those. I'd like to see that when you get it."

Then the conversation took some kind of a turn to sex change operations. Marilyn said to Squirrel, "I don't know why you would want girl's things because I know I wouldn't want boy's things. I don't understand that."

We're sure she was saying "you" to Squirrel in general terms of men. Squirrel thinks he's too macho to be a woman.....

Heartbroken Squirrel

If haven't read the backstory about Squirrel dodging a baby bullet ... read here http://random-acts-of-stupidity.blogspot.com/2006/06/squirrel-dodges-bullet-and-considers.html

It was announced today that the Stormy's daughter got engaged over the weekend. We thought that relationship was over but apparently they reunited.

Squirrel's going to have to stay with his current girlfriend or find another replacement because in his mind you can not go for more than one day without a girlfriend.

Squirrel Dodges a Bullet.... and Considers Jumping in Front of Another One

For the past couple of weeks Squirrel has been fretting over his girlfriend. (background ... they lived together for a couple of years & when he got custody of his children from previous relationship there were some conflicts so he made girlfriend move out ..... they broke up for a day but she did not move back in .... they have been living apart for a few months now...) The girlfriend went to the doctor and was told that she might be pregnant so she gave Squirrel an ultimatum ..... MARRIAGE!!!!

He has been freaking out and confiding in a couple people at work that he feels he can trust. (it's open knowledge now...) He even went to his tax advisor to see how getting married would affect his tax return. As it turns out, girlfriend's hormones were all messed up and she is not pregnant but now wants to try to have a baby.

Squirrel thinks that maybe he will get rid of her and find someone else. In fact, he thinks that Stormy's daughter, who also works here, is "HOT" .... (they say beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.) His current girlfriend is 10 years younger than him and Stormy's daughter is even younger. He's looking for trouble if he wants to date a co-worker, especially one whose mother AND father also work here! If that relationship fails he will have to face all three of them on a regular basis.

Sweet, but Light

One of Squirrel's children was selling candles for a fundraiser, Dog bought one. Squirrel brought it in today and when he gave it to Dog he asked if he could smell it because he had never smelled that scent - it was a vanilla nutmeg latte. He walks out of the room saying "Sweet, but light."

It's probably not as funny since you can't see him.... He likes to think of himself as this big burly macho man - and in reality he's a skinny short dude...

This is a Real Fire

We recently had a small fire in one of our warehouses. Marilyn, who is a member of our safety team, was actively involved in the internal investigation of what happened. Squirrel was able to put the very small fire out quickly. (Of course Marilyn made a huge deal about the fire.) Squirrel was overheard saying that maybe Marilyn would view him as a fireman since he was able to put out the fire. Then he laughed.

He doesn't want to be the object of her fireman obsession, he just wants the free "crotch shots" when she plays peek-a-boo. (see prior posting - http://random-acts-of-stupidity.blogspot.com/2006/03/marilyn-plays-peek-boo.html)

After pulling the fire alarm Marilyn pages over the intercom "this is a real fire. Leave the building immediately."

Sidenote: If our fire alarm goes off in error Marilyn calls the fire department directly instead of the alarm company (so she can talk to a real fireman!) We're surprised that since this was a real fire she didn't let them suit up to come rescue her....

Our Cast of Characters

A quick synopsis of our characters follows. After the main characters - the others are in alphabetical order.

Marilyn thinks she's a blonde bombshell - and she's 50 and wears mini-skirts & low-cut tops!

Wilma has red hair and that's all we will say...

Clinton is the husband of our co-worker Hillary

Hillary is a co-worker whose husband, Clinton, is supposedly having an affair with Monica, our HR person.

Jessica (as in Simpson) can be one of those ditzy airheads.

JoeJack is Marilyn's "contractor" boyfriend (self-employed if that's what you call it because he has his "own company" - nothing illegal, but he sure isn't a real contractor - more of a handyman)

Limburger is a male co-worker who often stinks.

Monica is our HR person and is said to be having an affair with a co-worker's (Hillary) husband (Clinton)

Mr. Kotter is actually a she and an educator

Mrs. C is a sweet lovable mother

Nick doesn't work with us. He's Jessica's husband.

Roseanne - Need we say more?

Shaggy - Skinny dude with a scraggly beard

Squirrel is a short skinny squirrel of a man who thinks he is God's gift to women (only) and loves to flirt with Marilyn. (Don't tell JoeJack!)

Stormy emits thunderous sounds

Stormy, Jr. is Stormy's daughter and also emits thunderous sounds. She is also the Runaway Bride.