Thunderous Days

Mr. Kotter (remember - Mr. is actually a Mrs.) was following Jessica to the restroom talking to her as they walked. All while emitting these loud thunderous explosive sounds.

They each walked into stalls with Mr. Kotter still carrying on the conversation and the explosions. It was all Jessica could do to hold back the laughter.

Another co-worker could not hold it back. She was in another stall and started laughing hysterically.

Smokin' in the Boys Room

Marilyn paged for MG to call her. When he did, she picked up the phone and said, "meet me in the boys' bathroom."

Aside from the fact that they are meeting there.... Why does she call it BOYS' bathroom????

What's the First Letter?

Earlier this week I (Cat) wore a sweatshirt that my nieces bought me a couple of years ago when I moved here from another state - all because of them. It says, "Coolest Aunt in the World."

As I was walking to Wilma's desk she asked "What's the first letter?"

I had no clue what she was talking about but thought surely she's not asking for the first letter of the alphabet - I knew she was smarter than that! Turns out, my hair was covering the "A" in "Aunt".

When I realized she was looking at my shirt, I moved my hair out of the way. She says, "Oh, it's an A. I thought it was a K but I knew that wasn't how you spelled it."

What the????? I think I should be offended at that comment. I just write that off to her stupidity and ignorance.

It's Cold in Here

One department was feeling a little cooler than they wanted so they approached MG about the problem. He checked and discovered that the furnace was blowing cold air but couldn't figure out why.

What he did not discover..... the thermostat was set on "cool" instead of "heat". How smart is that for a maintenance guy?????

Healthy Teeth & Gums

Dog was on the phone talking to Jessica. They had been talking for a few minutes when all of a sudden Dog could hear a weird brushing sound and Jessica got silent. When she did talk it was muffled.

Dog was about ready to IM Cat to tell her that she thought Jessica was brushing her teeth in her office when Jessica laughed and said "I'm brushing my teeth" then added "Don't worry, I'm throwing away the cup."

Dog's worry was not about the cup, it was WHY ARE YOU BRUSHING YOUR TEETH WHILE TALKING TO ME ON THE PHONE?!?!?!?! Gross!!!!!!

So, What Time Do You Have to be Back at Jail?

A co-worker recently broke up with her live-in boyfriend who admitted to being a drug addict. Now she's interested in a man who works across the street from us - who is on work release. He gets out of jail in the morning to come to work then returns in the evening.

Her opening line to him to let him know she's interested..... "Hey! Do you have an ol' lady?"

Looks to us like she's jumping from the frying pan into the fire. Rumor has it that his jail sentence is for drugs....

Marilyn Strikes Again!

We were having the daily "what's for lunch?" discussion this morning and the topic turned to pizza. Wilma started talking about Fred's inability to eat certain pizzas because they make him sick.

Marilyn announces, "I can't eat apples unless I cut them up into little pieces because of my gums."

We were not that interested in Fred's pizza problem - but at least it related to the topic of conversation.

Janitor Shares a Monica Story

A few people from other departments gathered in our department today dishing on Monica. They were close so it was not hard to hear what they were saying.

The janitor recounted a story about Monica. She was walking in the hallway behind Monica on day and saw a maxi-pad fall out of her pants leg! She made Monica aware of what had just happened because she didn't want to be the person who had to pick it up.

Den Mother Wilma

Wilma has assumed the role of den mother for her son's Cub Scout troop.

Enough said. Would you want her as a role model for your children?

Pseudo-Tourette Syndrome

Monica makes this involuntary noise about 2-4 times per hour that sounds similar to a hiccup, only louder. She calls it "beeping". Several people have told her that it's a mild form of Tourette Syndrome. She immediately denies and dismisses their claim and won't ask her doctor.

Lately she has started saying that she has "Pseudo-Tourette Syndrome".

Marilyn Figured It Out....

Follow-up on our last post "Going to the Hospital..... for a Latte!"

Marilyn, a few minutes ago, "I figured out why I really really liked the latte I had over the weekend. I was still sick and my taste buds were all out of whack. Now it has an aftertaste. Will I go back to the hospital again to get another one? No."

Of course she was sick. She's sick with one thing or another over half the time because she wants attention.

Going to the Hospital for..... a Latte!

This morning Marilyn announced "I never take a break so I'm going to go to the hospital to get a latte." We have a convenience store 2 doors down and a Starbucks just down the street, but she chooses the hospital. She had one there over the weekend and really liked it even though she hates coffee.

Before she leaves she stops by to see me (Cat) and (surprisingly) offers to pick one for me if I want one. I said "no thanks, don't like coffee or anything that has coffee in it."

Then she started. "But it doesn't taste like coffee."

"No thanks."

She didn't let up.

Dog is out today, but her sense of timing is great. She called while Marilyn was still trying to convince me to try one! I made sure Dog stayed on the phone until Marilyn gave up and left.

Fast forward 30 minutes. I walk by Marilyn's desk and ask how her latte is. "It's OK. It's not what I thought it was but I'm glad I went and got it."

Huh????? She had one over the weekend so how can it not be what she thought it was? And why, if she doesn't really like it, is she glad she went?

Bump 'n' Grind

The subject of dancing came up today. Marilyn started talking about JoeJack's teenage niece who was dancing provocatively with her father (JoeJack's brother). Marilyn commented about it to her mother and mom said, "She dances like that with boys." JoeJack's niece then offered to teach him the moves. JoeJack wisely declined.

The song they were dancing to - "Baby Gots Back" .... according to Marilyn, anyway.

Marilyn said to us, "It's a good thing I don't have a daughter. I'd chaperone all of her dances. She wouldn't like me. I wouldn't let her do all that body gruntin'.'" Let's see.... wouldn't that be grinding, not grunting.

Wilma's Keeping Fred Out of Jail

We always know when Fred is calling Wilma - she uses the rooster ringtone for him. When he called today she reminded him to go to the courthouse and pay the child support on their son.

She probably gave him the money to go pay it!

We're assuming this is support that is still in arrears since she agreed at their last court hearing that he does not have to pay as long as they are together........ Since she provides most of his support she would have to give him the money to pay through the court system so they can return the money to her.

O Canada

Monica has a long distance relationship with a guy that she sees once every year or two. They call each other and send cards. His writing and grammar look like a second-grader - she blames that on him living in Canada because "that's they way they do it there." Sometimes he doesn't even put a name on the envelope - just her address.

They were talking on the phone and he commented that he wanted to meet her father and made a reference to "son-in-law". Monica ignored the comment and continued her conversation with him.

He interrupted her and said, "what do you think???" She told him she just wanted companionship & not marriage.

She came to work the next day telling everyone that she had a marriage proposal from the guy she likes, but never sees, but that she would never get married again.

Bye Bye Birdies

Marilyn has been complaining that a bird ate all the fish out of her pond and that Buell knocked down all of her yard "purties" trying to catch it. Now they are thinking about rigging up some sort of siren that will go off when the bird comes flying in.

We hope that siren keeps them awake at night!

Monica's Bitten by the Christmas Card Bug

Monica has been asking everyone for the last month about Christmas cards - specifically getting lists of names and asking opinions on the cards. Early on Cat told her that we could custom design our own card and have it printed for half the price, but she wasn't interested. She said that our CEO "really likes this one because it has a cut-out."

She bugged us so much about it that Cat finally went to the CEO and told him that we could do a custom card with an envelope for about 60 cents per card. He was intrigued by this because we can put our logo on it and it wouldn't be "corporate cookie-cutter" card. He also added he didn't have much of an opinion on the cards before but that Monica wouldn't like it because it doesn't have the foil inside the envelope. Then he gave Cat the task of telling Monica to not order the cards. Five minutes too late. She called the CEO and he told her to cancel the order.

She's sulking about it and started playing in Paint and PrintMaster trying to design something for the card. She brought it to show to Cat who wasn't impressed with it (and somehow refrained from laughing out loud). Cat told her that the card has to be designed in Photoshop throwing in technical terms Monica would not understand and that what she was doing wouldn't import.

If she hadn't been coming in 3 or 4 times a week bugging us about the cards - she would have gotten her way.